6y 2m 0w 1d
“Ok, once more from the top Vanima,” John said as he slouched in one of the dozens of seats in the theatre. We’ve been going from the top all day everyday for ages. Vanima simmered internally. John had begun teaching Vanima the art of human singing. At first Vanima scoffed at the human’s efforts, until it dawned on her just how complicated it was to sing well. However, Vanima surprised herself at how quickly she picked up on the art.
“What was wrong this time? The pitch was practically perfect!” She huffed. The human scratched his facial hair for a moment before getting up and joining her on stage.
“Yeah but the point of this exercise isn’t for you to do it pitch perfect; it’s for you to be loud and I just can’t seem to get that much volume out of you.” The human explained.
“I’ve tried all your advice John. I’ve tried breathing deep and ‘letting it out’” She sighed exasperatedly. Once more the human scratched his odd facial hair.
“Alright I guess I gotta show you.” The human sighed as he gestured for the Qinis to take a seat. Vanima made a face at John before taking a seat. Please enlighten me oh great and wondrous teacher! She thought sarcastically. It wasn’t the first time she had taken a seat while the human spent an hour poorly explaining a key technique in this deathworld art. “Ok so to be loud you gotta first take a deep breath. Then you let it all out at once using these muscles,” he explained, gesturing to his sides. Oh, that’s the problem.
“Uh John-”
“Not done yet.” John interrupted before continuing with his explanation. “Then you gotta flex them all at once and just let it out.” And with that he took a deep breath and let forth what could only be the second loudest sound Vanima had ever heard. She had to put her hands over her ears for it to even be bearable. Mercifully, John had to stop for air. Thank the stars!
“John if you had listened to me, I’d have told you that I don’t have muscles there like you do.” Vanima seethed slightly.
“Oh… Well shit.” The human chuckled. I hope today ends soon.
Hegan was enjoying a delightful afternoon with Regalo as the two of them sat in silence in the common room. Hegan was reading a Rauwryhr classic The Flight of Toraro, in which a Rauwryhr attempted to fly to the moon. It was a heart-warming tale filled with childlike wonder and dreams coming true. Suddenly, Hegan heard a voice faintly coming from above.
“I wonder why he insists on teaching Vanima this ‘singing’. Why doesn’t he play his instrument like he always does?” Regalo idly asked. Hegan tapped her fingers on the arm of the couch before replying.
“Vzk’tk and Rrrrtktktkp’ch can’t sing, they have different types of vocal cords than John and Vanima, so according to my understanding I think John is counting on the dazzling effect this’ll have on the judges to win. It’s a risky gamble. It’ll be impossible to win against this many people.”
“It’s John. He’ll do the impossible if he has to.” Regalo replied as he turned the page in whatever he was reading.
“What makes you so sure he can do the impossible?” Hegan asked in turn. Idolisation complex?
“The nature of John’s existence is an impossibility, ergo anything he does is also an impossibility.” He answered. Hegan giggled at the peculiar answer. Well they do spend all of their time together.
“You seem to have been infected with John’s bizarre way of seeing the world.” Maybe I should evaluate him as well to see how similar he is to John and vice versa.
Regalo chittered at the remark. “If only that deathworlder talent rubbed off, too. If my efforts succeeded despite the impossible odds, I’d be a rich and famous Gaoian with a powerful clan and mating contracts aplenty!” Regalo laughed. Regalo must think very highly of him. “Although… I suppose that ability comes at a steep price.” Regalo sighed. He knows a weakness?!
“Wait, you mean to tell me John has a weakness? I mean it sounds like it’s psychological, so that would explain why Vani and I haven’t found it since I’ve mainly been focusing on how his memory works.” Hegan thought out loud. She noticed Regalo shift a bit uncomfortably on the couch. Well he is essentially talking about his friend behind his back.
“He needs something to work against or a goal to strive for. He is bringing me home for his sake as much as for my sake. You know he almost got killed visiting a deathworld? He visited it because he was bored! Who does that?! I understand John is very much not the average sapient, but who seeks out deathworlds?! He needs a safe goal to struggle against or I fear what he’ll do in his boredom. Living comfortably is not enough for him.” Regalo sighed at the end of his rant before composing himself.
“Anyway… What do you think of that episode of The Mistress?” Regalo asked. I’ve prodded too much. Time to assuage some insecurities.
“Hey Regalo, John will be safe. He’s got all of us looking after him. Between the three of us we’ve got everything covered, okay? Plus he makes up his own adventure. He’ll find something to do.” Regalo relaxed at the Rauwryhr’s words.
“Thanks Hegan.”
It’s what I do.
“Anyway about The Mistress, I think she’ll up with Rrrktik in the finale.” Hegan stated confidently. Regalo chittered wildly at Hegan’s statement.
“That is a very peculiar way to pronounce Vtk’tksk Hegan but to each their own.” Regalo teased.
“Regalo please, I studied their psychology for 3 years; I know what I’m talking about. The signs are all there she’s going to end up with Rrrktik!”
“Hegan have you seen the 4th episode? That moment between the Mistress and Vtk’tksk? My species may not have life mates but even the blind could see that the Mistress would have offered Vtk’tksk a mating contract on the spot if it wasn’t for Krktks interrupting them!”
“You’re both wrong. Clearly she’ll end up with Krktks. They’ve been setting it up the entire time.” John interrupted as he barged in and crashed on the couch. Regalo curled up against the human.
“John I adore you. You’re like a brother to me, but you couldn’t be more wrong.” The Gaoian sighed contently.
“So how was today’s music lesson? You think she’s ready for tomorrow?” Hegan asked.
“I better be because John is one of the worst teachers I’ve ever had.” Vanima said as she entered the common room from the stairs and sat at the kitchen table. “And I agree with Hegan it’s going to be Rrrktik.” She added as she reached over and picked up a small fruit. She began daintily nibbling on it.
“Ok first off you’re wrong. Secondly you’re pretty ready for tomorrow. I mean just remember what we did and you’ll be golden.”
“But what if I’m not?” Vanima fretted.
“Look, I’ve done this for years. It’ll go great!”
“But what if it doesn’t?” Vanima retorted.
“Hegan back me up here.”
“John’s right Vanima. He’s been teaching you all day every day since he decided you would perform. If John didn’t think you had it in you he’d be the one performing.” Hegan replied calmly. Vanima seemed to relax at the Rauwryhr’s words.
“Yeah see? What she said n’ stuff. Thanks Hegan.” John added.
“It’s what I do.” The Rauwryhr replied.
“Now who is ready to watch the Finale?” Regalo announced as he turned on the TV. Ah yes the daily bonding time. Hegan though as she moved to sit on John’s lap. Vanima sat beside what John called the ‘cuddle puddle’. Hmm she’s not partaking… Social restriction or unused to affection? Hegan shifted so she sat in between John and Vanima on the couch and leaned on Vanima. The Qinis tentatively put an arm around the Rauwryhr. There we go. All of them groaned at the end as the Mistress ended up choosing the Butler over all of her other suitors.
6 y 2m 0w 0d
“Come on guys we’re gonna be late if you don’t hurry up!” John called out from the hangar. John was wearing his leaf green top he had bought at Sefsek with Vanima and white shorts that stuck to his skin. Regalo wore a simple dark blue jumpsuit with the sleeves cut off. “Man even in space women take for fucking ever to get ready.” John grumbled.
“On Gao it’s usually the males who take longer.” Regalo commented.
“Really?”
“Indeed, it pays to spend some extra time grooming yourself.” Regalo replied. “No sense in losing a contract because of bad hygiene.” John nodded at the Gaoian’s wisdom before speaking.
“You guys just mate and then she has a kid that they raise and you never see ‘em again. How do you stop incest? I mean do you just carry around a portfolio of all your contracts or something?” John asked. Maybe they do a DNA test before.
“In a manner of speaking yes we do. It’s this little app here on my coms.” Regalo said pulling out the device. He tapped what John assumed was a username and password. “Now I just pair it up with my potential mate’s app wirelessly and it’ll be yellow if it’s safe to procreate or blue if it’s unsafe.” The Gaoian explained. That’s pretty neat. At that time, Vanima and Hegan came down the stairs. Vanima was in a green dress that didn’t even try to conceal the Qinis’ figure. Her raven hair was braided into a single long braid reaching halfway to her waist. Don’t look at her and think about puppies and you’ll be A-OK. Hegan was wearing what looked like a white poncho with a green tree on the front.
“It took you that long to decide to wear the poncho?” John asked Hegan as they boarded Prestissimo.
“No but it took me that long to help Vanima pick a dress.”
“Touché.” John replied. “You guys comfy back there?” he asked his cramped companions.
“Just drive the damn ship.” Regalo retorted as he tried to make himself comfortable in the small shuttle.
“Great! Now let’s skedaddle.” John announced as he opened the ship’s hangar and slowly took off. The hangar closed behind them as they left the space station. Alright nav computer says we’re clear for direct descent. John flicked a switch, set the ship to autopilot, and simply pointed it down. As they began entering atmosphere John took control again and eased the angle for a gentler reentry – or as gentle as reentry could be.
“John can you fly this thing straight?” Vanima complained in the back.
“Oh yeah let me just call physics and tell it fuck off and let me fly straight. How about I just do that Vanima?” John retorted as he focused on balancing power between the inertial dampeners and shields. Soon enough, they were flying serenely and quickly through the skies. John looked out the window at the vast expanses of blue grass and vermillion water. I guess I know what kind of music they like. John saw what looked like a huge collections of giant spires that peeked over the horizons. “Fuck me is that the city?” John asked but soon enough a beep at his coms stole his attention.
“Shuttle Prestissimo you are approaching Akrktkskstkfks city please give hand over piloting to the server.” A prerecorded voice asked as an option to let the foreign connection appeared. John hesitantly agreed. “Please enter your destination.” The recording politely continued.
“What was the center called again?” John asked.
“Vtvsktv performing arts center, level one.” Vanima replied.
“Destination accepted.” The recording said as Prestissimo began flying higher and higher.
When the city came in sight John gaped. Huge metallic towers dominated the horizon. The each spire was so large only a few could be seen through the windscreen of the shuttle. Millions upon millions of shuttles and speeders were whizzing between the spires in invisible super highways. No fucking way could I fly here. Thousands of billboards decorated the metal grey towers. Most ended up being advertisements for medical equipment or food. This whole place looks like freakin Coruscant. Walkways crisscrossed between the towers as larger, flatter walkways gave way to landing pads for shuttles. They climbed higher and higher until the ground disappeared completely. “This is something straight out of freaking Star Wars. I mean I can’t even see the freaking ground anymore and we’re still going up. Like shit, we could never build something this rad on Earth.” The human said in awe of the alien architecture. “Well the Domain is a very advanced race.” Hegan replied. Each spire seemed to have it’s own motif. The spire they seemed to be climbing had a geometric and symmetrical beauty to it although John couldn’t quite place why. Soon enough they passed the clouds and arrived at their destination. The theatre was stupendous. Fuck me it’s like the Royal Albert Hall had a kid with the Sydney Opera House and then someone gave it steroids. The shuttle parked itself near entrance. Thousands of beings of all species were gathering at the entrances.
“There’s gonna be a lot of people in there.” Vanima quivered.
“Hey it’s gonna be ok. Just imagine them in their underwear that way if you mess up they’re the ones who are sillier.” John replied, earning him bizarre looks from his friends. “Don’t diss the nude tactic. Works every time.” He huffed.
“That has got to be the strangest coping mechanism I’ve ever heard of and I’m a psychologist.” Hegan giggled. Regalo patted John’s back as Vanima joined the tiny being in her mirth.
“It’s okay John, we all have weird coping mechanisms” The Gaoian chortled.
“Yeah well fuck you guys.” John huffed in mock indignation. There was a sign outside the main entrance directing them to the backstage entry for performers. It took them a good 15-minute walk to circle around the building to the backdoor. They entered what John assumed was the backstage of the performance center. There were hundreds of blue giraffes here with a few white ones scattered about.
“Alright everyone please look to the board at the front to see the program for tonight.” A voice from the intercom above announced. Man I cannot see shit, he thought as he stood on his tiptoes. He could hardly make out the program board past the stupidly long necks of the Vzk’tk and Rrrrtktktkp’ch surrounding them. “Any of you guys see when we’re up?” he asked in general as he tried to move forward in the crowd.
“No idea.” Vanima replied. Hegan and Regalo simply shrugged.
John picked up Hegan and lifted her up above his head and then stood on a box of equipment.
“Hey!” Hegan protested much to the amusement of the other two.
“Can you see when we go up or not Hegan?” John sighed in response.
“…I actually can… You and Vani go up third. They mustn’t have much faith in you doing well if they want you to perform that early in the evening.” Hegan answered as John lowered her down and placed her on his shoulders. “Aren’t you going to put me down?” she asked, tapping the human’s head.
“But you look so adorable up there!” John giggled as he lifted her from his shoulders and replaced her on the ground.
“Shhh! The show is about to start.” Vanima whispered to them. A holographic screen was projected in the backstage and a lone Vzk’tk was present on the stage surrounded by drums. Must be a big stage if the dude is that small. I hope they give us a microphone. The Vzk’tk cleared his throat and began reciting what John assumed was a poem while rhythmically tapping at the drums.
“A small rktkjkr’tk’rk blooms in spring. Sweet petals, soft petals. The sun moves as the day goes on. Rktkjkr’tk’rk withers and dies.” It bent its knees in what John assumed was a bow as the audience rapturously applauded the performance.
“What the fuck was that?” John whispered to Regalo as he clapped politely.
“How should I know? That made zero sense!” The Gaoian whispered back. Maybe the flower is like youth or some shit? Man, this is why I’m not an English major. The next being up was yet another Vzk’tk. Maybe they’re getting the dumb ones out of the way first too. He too walked out with a drum set to the middle of the stage. The blue giraffe set up the drums so that a stomp of one of his many legs would trigger a mallet that hit the instruments. “Oh Rkttk’chptk’rkrk. Thy krtkr’r are to me, As krk’ch On pkrp bee that mkrptk hath blurted out its mrktp. Now the cqcq are in bloom and the Rkttk’chptk’rkrk are slurping eagerly, Like Rkcqcqrr’tchcq in heat,” The audience, once more, clapped at the Vzk’tk’s performance.
“That made even less sense what the actual fuck!” John whispered to Regalo. The Gaoian made odd noises John took as The-fuck-do-I-know. “Alright it’s go time Vanima you ready?” John asked as he took hold of her arm. The Qinis closed her eyes and took a deep breath before nodding. “It’ll be great trust me.”
This is not great. This is the farthest thing possible from great, Vanima thought as she stood in front of what could be millions- even billions- or possibly trillions pairs of eyes! In her blank terror she remembered John’s advice and tried to picture the audience nude only to find that the crowd was already naked. Vanima looked back to John only to find the human standing rigidly behind her, his face the definition of serenity. Look at him he’s not even fazed by them! Drawing courage from the stalwart deathworlder Vanima collected herself and began singing.
Rkk’tkch’chp was one of the many Rrrrtktktkp’ch judging this year’s annual performing arts competitions. The competition usually went on for a few days as to get through all the candidates, but judges who got the first day were ridiculed, for the event organizers always put Vzk’tk and foreign species first as to get the odd and the downright bad performances out of the way. Rkk’tkch’chp wasn’t even paying attention as a pair of Qini took the stage and stood there silently for a few seconds. Soon though a most bewitching sound lilted from the stage and Rkk’tkch’chp looked up from his mobile game in awe. He would never had conceived a sound as sweet and soft. The lyrics did not make much sense, but Rkk’tkch’chp did not care. The strange vocalizations elicited a most profound, and gentle peace in his mind. He remembered the days his mother would hold him as a calf and stroke his neck fur gently after a bad dream. If he closed his eyes he could picture his mother looking down on him with love in her eyes. When the song ended the calming image slowly faded back to the depth of his memory. He knew whom to pass.
John clapped Vanima’s back. “Atta girl! Ya did it!” Vanima looked to John. Oh God please don’t throw up.
“My heart is going to explode and I’m never doing that again. I don’t know how you manage that insane stress. Were you aware that billions of people were watching us? Maybe even trillions!” Vanima panted. John reached out and rubbed her back as they made it backstage.
“Hey, if it helps, I also get scared going up there. It don’t get any easier no matter how many times you get up there. You just grow used to the fear and learn to manage it.” John explained as they joined the rest of their friends.
“You two were amazing!” Hegan squeaked as she jumped up into John’s arms. John caught the little Rauwryhr and chuckled before raising her to hug Vanima.
“Done doing the impossible?” Regalo chittered patting John’s head.
“Not just yet buddy.” John replied with a crooked smile. The human put down the Rauwryhr.
“Now we await with baited breath whether or not we make the cut into the finals in a few days.” Hegan sighed contently as they were directed to the backstage exit. They made their way into the shuttle and climbed in.
“Did I really do well or are you just comforting me?” Vanima spoke up as John started the shuttle.
“Look Vani if we did shit I’d have told you and I’d be looking for another gig where I’d play the violin instead of having you sing, but it went great! So hush your face hole.” Man she looks like a fish out of water. She opened her mouth and John fixed her with a stare. She slowly closed her mouth. “Atta girl.”
“It was a strange song John. Where did you learn it?” Regalo asked.
“We had a transfer student from Iceland at the university. Can’t pronounce his name but damn could that fucker sing.” John joked as he shifted more power to the engines and inertial dampeners for a smooth atmo exit.
“Did many people at your university sing?” Hegan asked.
“I don’t think so. Most played an instrument or twelve and composed music which is a bit above my pay grade personally.” The human responded. He remotely opened The Lost Minstrel’s hangar door and landed inside serenely. Man flying this thing never gets old. He popped open the windshield and climbed down, helping the others out. “I’m actually ready for a snack and bed. What about you guys?” He asked.
“I’m ready to scream into my pillow, so bed.” Vanima groaned as she skulked off to bed. Yeah I remember my first after show jitters… Must’ve sucked to be the janitor on shift that night.
“I’ll make sure she’s ok.” Hegan said, following after the Qinis.
“Just you and me.” Regalo chuckled as the two of them strolled to the common room. They cuddled on the couch and turned on reruns of The Mistress.
“I still can’t fucking believe it was the butler.” John sighed.
“It doesn’t make any sense though. The butler is just subservient to her and nothing more!” Regalo complained.
“I know right! It’s like they just pulled this out of their ass and people just eat it up! All those dumb blue giraffes eat the ever loving fuck out of it!” John protested.
“… I know some forums that we could complain on do you want to?”
“I always wanted to complain on the space Internet.” It was 3 in the morning before either of them stopped posting complaints and arguing with total strangers on The Mistress forums.