6y 3m 0w 1d
Since the pirate event, John had decided to upgrade his weaponry. His armour was now outfitted with a small speaker on each shoulder and a more advanced HUD to manage the extra technology. John had to go out in Prestissimo to record the screeching noise he made on his violin. He made an audio file for each string and merged them into one ear-bleedingly bad chord. He transferred the file into the small computer Regalo added to his left vambrace so he could not only activate the screech at will, but also control the volume. His HUD now outlined his vitals in the corner as well as the integrity of the armour and the EVA suit underneath the plates.
Currently, the human was sitting on the couch with one arm wrapped around Regalo, Hegan sitting on his lap as they all watched another terrible episode of the award winning Vzk’tk show The Mistress. “Krrkt… The baby isn’t yours it’s Vtvsz’s!” cried the Mistress’ niece. Vanima and Regalo groaned as John and Hegan cheered. It had become a game between them to predict plot points or twists in the painfully predictable soap opera.
“Yeah fucker! High five little buddy!” John said, raising his hand. Hegan gently slapped her hand and a finger from her other hand against the human’s palm. The ship beeped, informing them that they were approaching their destination. “Righto! Stations everyone. I want to make it there before evening,” John commanded as the crew slowly rose from the couch.
“Wait! I can’t walk that quickly!” Hegan protested as her long legged friends marched on. John sighed and knelt, his back facing Hegan.
“Just hop on and I’ll carry you.” Hegan seemed like she was about to argue and John shot her with a you-know-I’ll-win look. She relented and climbed onto his back. You are just too cute, but fuck those are some sharp claws! He could feel them digging slightly into his shoulders. They quickly strolled through the ship and arrived at the bridge. Vanima took her seat at the captain’s chair and Hegan hopped off the human’s back to join her. John sat at the nav unit and Regalo at the coms. Soon, the planet appeared before them as they dropped out of FTL. There were thousands upon thousands of ships whizzing about the system. The planet was a blue pearl with grey spots where the cities were located. “Holy fuck…” John whistled at the scene. The human had only visited distant worlds and stations in the galactic equivalent of the countryside. For the first time, John had to actually use the radar to fly The Lost Minstrel as opposed to sight because of the sheer amount of traffic.
“You ok John?” Regalo queried casually. John looked up and saw Regalo’s ears facing him. Concerned. Or was it confused? Fuck I don’t know his ears do that at everything.
“There’s just… a lot of ships out there. Like, damn son that’s a lot of ships. Radar is picking up over 100,000 ships in the near vicinity and we haven’t even gone into the inner system yet.” John shook his head and focused on the nav unit. Ok sync up the unit to others… Choose destination… Ok Trade Station 151197, your docking fees are 0.95 DC so we’re docking at you even though you’re really far out from everything! The ship sped between the titanic crafts that dominated the more popular and more expensive trade stations.
Vanima had risen from the captain’s chair to witness the behemoths move by in the pitch-blackness of space. “Just how many crew member do you need for that?” she sighed in awe. Yeah, holy shit that’s a big boat.
“That’s a Guvnurag freighter. I think the crew count on a ship that size is about 500? There aren’t that many freighters that big. Guvnurag use them to ship bulk quantities of civilian flyers.” Regalo answered he handled the docking fee transaction.
“How do you know so much about ships?” Hegan asked. Regalo shrugged his shoulders.
“Ships were one of my hobbies as a cub. I wanted to join the Whitecrest however and make a difference in the world but I wasn’t cut out for it. I almost died in the rites so I had to quit” He explained. I sense sadness. I must kill the sadness.
“Hey, you’ll still be making a difference in the ship making Clan thingie instead of the Whitecrest clan. I mean you could build the most resilient ships ever. Where other ships would break and die yours would keep on flying, saving people’s lives!” John exclaimed. Regalo chittered and shook his head.
“You lunatic.”
“You fuddy duddy.”
The ship beeped them nearing the station and the coms hummed into life.
“Ship The Lost Minstrel, You’ll be docking at hangar J090386. Please follow given trajectory.” A voice mechanically ordered. John complied with the directions, inputting the commands. The ship shuddered a bit as the docking tube connected with them.
Vanima stretched her arms and sighed. “It’ll feel good to get off the ship after so long.” She groaned in satisfaction.
“Stars know I need a good stretch.” Hegan added as they rose.
“It’s a damn shame you won’t be getting that stretch for a while.” John noted as he got up from his seat.
“What do you mean?” Vanima asked.
“Well, you two spent a lot of money on lab equipment. So much so that we could barely afford docking fees let alone resupply and maintenance and that pisses me off because unless I bag a lot of money here so we can resupply, do maintenance, and maybe get a lil extra spending for fun things like lab equipment and whatever, we won’t be able to afford docking fees at the Guvnurag home system. So you two are gonna stay here until you find me a performance or competition or something that pays a lot. After you find that, then you text Regs or me and we’ll text you where we are so you can join us.” John explained. Vanima huffed in disappointment and Hegan flattened her ears against the side of her head. Regalo and John exited the bridge, leaving the two girls to their research.
“Hang on Regsy.” John said before quickly venturing to their room and grabbing the deck of cards. Maybe we’ll get a game of go fish at some plaza or something. He met the Gaoian at the airlock and together they walked onto the station. “Alright now time to find some meat restaurant,” John declared as they marched side by side out of the ship and into the sea of blue giraffes.
The Gaoian shifted closer to his friend and took hold of John’s hand. The human seemed to radiate a predatory presence, and the Vzk’tk gave them some distance. I wonder if he’s aware of that. “Regsy you and me are gonna find some meat!” John declared excitedly
Regalo’s ears flattened at the sheer stupidity of his friend’s declaration. He’s too smart to think we’ll find a place that sells meat here. “How are we going to find a shop that sells meat on a planet of herbivores?” Regalo asked.
“Not gonna lie, I have no idea how we’re gonna find meat here, but this is a trading station so there’s gotta be at least one place that sells meat of some kind. As papa would say, nothing ventured nothing gained!” The human exclaimed, startling a few Vzk’tk children. The Gaoian chittered at the human’s enthusiasm and affectionately scratched John shaggy hair. Nothing ventured nothing gained. That’s you alright.
“Did your father have any other wise human proverbs?” The Gaoian queried as they made it past the crowd. Hundreds upon thousands of stalls and shops lines the wall facing the docks, hallways that led to what Regalo assumed was the residential sectors of the station, interspersed in the line.
“Yeah he had loads. He who dares succeeds uh… Learn from yesterday, Live for today and dream for tomorrow… Oh! And wise Confucius say, he who sleeps with itchy butt wakes up with smelly finger.” Regalo yipped at the last one. The human idly reached out and stroked the Gaoian’s long silky fur. Oh yes, just a bit- John you magnificent being. The human had a knack for knowing just the right spot and intensity Regalo could possibly desire at any given moment. Regalo had contemplated having John just open up a massage parlour on Gorai but knew the human’s heart craved the ceaseless wonder of exploration. I’ll miss those scratches… “So Regsy, tell me about the blue giraffes.” Regalo scratched his chin and said.
“Well they’re the most populous and their ships are typically of a good design. Nothing fantastic but-”
“No I mean like, as a people what are they like? You gotta know your audience before you play to them.” John had begun idly shuffling the cards in his hands as they walked arm in arm through the market. Always doing something with them, Regalo noted. All the Gaoian could do was duck his head in a shrug at the human’s question.
“Well that’s a question Hegan can answer better than I ever could. Why did you think I could answer it?” he asked in turn. John ducked his head in turn and replied.
“Well… You seem like a very well travelled and knowledgeable guy. I mean I wouldn’t be standing here with my own ship if it wasn’t for you taking care of me.” Regalo chittered hard. “What? Did I say something dumb?”
“Not at all John! I always thought I wouldn’t be on my way to Gorai if it wasn’t for you being so kind and talented!” The men laughed together until a particular scent wafted its way into Regalo’s nose. “John I smell meat.” Almost instantly, the joy in the human’s eyes was replaced with a greedy hunger. Regalo was unphased by such a predatory look, but the same couldn’t be said for the local Vzk’tk. Regalo followed the scent with John close behind. There it was, a pen filled with Dizzi rats.
“Dizzi rats! Fattest in the station!” A large Locayl was calling out.
“How much for a breeding population,” Regalo asked, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.
“800 mirons for a breeding population,” the vendor offered.
“What’s that in Dominion Credits?” John asked. The Locayl flinched at the human’s unsettling gaze.
“That is 0.9 dominion credits,” The Locayl replied reservedly, an arm falling underneath the counter. Regalo sighed.
“Come on John we don’t have enough to afford a breeding population,” the Gaoian glumly mumbled. He looked up and found futile defiance in the human’s face. “John. unless you can, as you would say, pull some magic out of your ass, we won’t be able to afford meat until after you earn some money.” There it was. An idea sparked in his friend’s head.
“I might just do that,” the human giggled as a fiendish smile spread across his face.
As Regalo and John left the Bridge.
Vanima huffed at their punishment as Hegan sighed. “We did spend most of his money on lab equipment at last resupply,” she glumly admitted, puncturing Vanima’s indignant mood. The Qinis couldn’t bring herself to stay mad at the childlike human. She sighed walked over from the window.
“We might as well go look for some place he can perform,” She said dispiritedly. Hegan hopped off the chair and together the duo walked to the common room. Vanima sat at the couch with her data pad and began searching the datanet as Hegan brought two cups of water.
“Maybe we could find something appropriate to his psych profile?” Hegan suggested as she sat by her.
“You’ve already built a psych profile?!” Vanima ask incredulously. Building a complete psych profile of a person typically took months if not years of tests depending on how thorough one wished to be. Hegan giggled.
“Not a complete one by any standard but enough to get a feel for him. Most of it was just testing the basics his intelligence, senses, and personality. Did you know that John is highly intelligent? I don’t mean in the sapient way but as an individual he is as smart as a Corti- if in an unconventional way. He makes connections that I can’t even fathom.” Vanima was always curious about the extent of the human’s intelligence. At times John could be dimmer than a black hole, but there were moments where the human seemed to exude an uncanny ability to make connections in the galaxy around him that turned out to be true.
“Well let’s hear about his personality then that might help us narrow down lists.” She said as she projected a list of venue auditions onto the TV.
“Well he’s scored a perfect 10 on competitiveness but insists that his species are not lone beings like the Corti. I mean I’ve had to have him compete against Regalo so I can actually get him to try hard on the tests. He’s also fiercely protective, which is rare in males of a sapient species.”
“What if it’s the males in his species that take care of the young though? It’d make sense if they were the males were caregivers.” Vanima countered as she slowly eliminated bad venues from the list. Hegan grimaced.
“I’ve considered that. The problem with this profile is I only have one human to analyse and I need more to better understand them! I need females and cubs! So far his psych profile makes him out to be the most competitive, protective and pacifistic thing to exist in his species since there’s no other humans to compare him to. ” she sighed exasperatedly.
“Well you said that John is the most competitive thing this side of the galaxy so let’s try and look for a competition” Vanima said, narrowing down the list even further until but one was left. Grand Performing Arts Tournament.
“I’ll look it up while you call Regalo.” Hegan replied as she took out her coms and began typing. Vanima took hers out and looked for Regalo’s com link until she realised she never asked for his com’s ID. He carries John’s coms, I’ll try that one. She dialled the com’s ID and waited.
“Vanima? You need to come here John is just- He’s just doing the impossible! I don’t know how he does it! The odds are at 1/52 to the 600 and it keeps mounting! We’re in the central square in the residence district.” With that the line cut as Regalo hung up.
“Is everything ok?” Hegan asked
Vanima sighed then rubbed her forehead. “John’s doing the deathworlder thing again.”
“The deathworlder thing?”
“The impossible.”
Hegan trilled her understanding as the two rose from their seats and strolled out of the ship.
Regalo stared with his muzzle wide open as, once more, John shat on the laws of probability. “Is this your card?” The human would charmingly and smugly say and every time it would be the correct card. A large crowd of Vzk’tk had gathered around the human and each time the human guessed correctly they became more shocked. Some claimed that the cards were marked somehow and had the human sent to the storage room of a shop at the far end of the square then returned to replace the card in the deck. After that the human would simply look through the deck and pull out the correct card. The Vzk’tk would place in an overflowing jar the equivalent of 0.1 DCs to see the impossibility be performed with the prize being that should John guess incorrectly, the player would win the pot. Regalo watched as the human was escorted by a group of Vzk’tk to the storage room.
A few Rrrrtktktkp’ch were scattered throughout the crowd, interested in this amusing diversion. A particularly fat and ancient Rrrrtktktkp’ch named Rkktksdfkwkkkws had greeted Regalo. He was kind enough to let Regalo ride him so that the poor Gaoian might have a chance to see what John was doing. Suddenly the Rrrrtktktkp’ch harrumphed triumphantly.
“I know what that being is doing.”
I knew he wasn’t just guessing!
“What do you think he’s doing?”
“I’m not quite sure what he’s doing… But he’s doing something to the cards. A quick flicker of the hand while everyone looks at the card. If I was a betting being I’d say he’s never once guessed what card was drawn.”
“Wait… If you knew that he knew what card he needs to draw why didn’t you put a stop to this?” Regalo asked.
“Oh that’s easy. It’s very amusing to see my cousins so dismayed by something so simple.” Rkktksdfkwkkws let out a glottal choking sound that Regalo’s translator registered as laughter.
“Was that it? You pulled us away from the comfort of the ship just for some card hand trick?” Vanima said bemusedly as she went on her tiptoes to see the human return and guess the right card.
“I guess it seemed a lot more fantastic before I knew what was happening” Regalo lamented. The galaxy just became a little less mysterious…
“Ladies, Gentlemen and others I’m afraid now that I, the great Wizardro! Am all tapped out of my superior guessing ability! I bid you all a good evening!” The human boisterously announced as he shoved the money into the two enormous jars and sealed them. The Vzk’tk crowd groaned in utter dissatisfaction and resentment at a missed opportunity of winning 65 DC. John awkwardly waddled with one under each arm as the crowd dispersed and resumed their normal lives. Regalo climbed down from the large old Rrrrtktktkp’ch’s back and rushed to help his friend with the hefty jars. He strained a bit under the weight but bore the load all the same. He rejoined the women as he awkwardly shuffled towards them.
“I must say that was an impressive demonstration Mr. Wizardro” Rkktksdfkwkkws congratulated. “Just what exactly did you do?” John smiled broadly at the venerable being. He gestured for the being to come closer then whispered in his ear. Regalo strained to listen in but could barely catch any words.
“Y’know for a trick that looked so baffling it’s really simple isn’t it,” Vanima chuckled.
“You heard them?”
“Contrary to popular belief, my ears are not ornamental.” She smiled in a very John like fashion. It seems I’m not the only one he’s rubbed off on. Regalo caught himself using the human metaphor. His language is like some sort of infection, sneaking its way into the minds of others.
“Well, what’s the trick? How does John guess the cards?” Hegan asked. Although Rauwryhr had exceptional hearing, nothing could match a Qinis’ sonar like hearing.
“John said it was a secret.” She teased coyly.
“Now if you three are done contemplating how I do things. Our good friend Mr. Riktik was kind enough to give me the directions to the cheapest and best vendor of Dizzi rats.” John cut in, ending the speculation about his mysterious card trick. “Plus it’s getting kinda late and I want to get back to the ship and have some meaty dinner.” His hungry grin was rather unnerving to the Gaoian.
John felt rather fucking awesome. Man I fucking love card tricks holy shit. The trick in question was rather simple yet elegant. Once the card was selected and was about to be replaced John would quickly glance at the card revealed when he cut the deck. After that, it was a matter of choosing the card right before that one. If it could fool his roommates it could fool the blue giraffes. Time for meat! One way ticket to Meat city! All aboard the flesh express! Ok maybe not the last one. “John, grin any wider and you might be arrested.” Hegan warned jokingly. The human hastily close his lips, hiding his teeth.
“Yeah I usually don’t grin I just got really hungry.” John mumbled, a bit disheartedly. The group strolled through the station.
“Guys! Wait up!” Hegan complained which earned her another piggy back from John. Ya cutey pie. Ugh! Your fur is so soft how do you do it? John carried the large jar of weird blue alien money in his arms as he waddled forward through the fairly crowded streets of the station. Do you call them streets? Are they hallways? I mean technically they are hallways but this is a big hallway.
“Man I can’t wait to make you my famous grilled steak Regsy. It’ll just blow your mind away.” John raved as they approached the market.
Roko was having an uneventful day. His stand at the station was profitable and allowed him and his family to live in relative comfort. The day was winding down and he began to pack away his wares. Hmm… Maybe Rixa can make some Goro sandwiches for the kids. Mmmm I’ll need to pick up some cqcq for Rolox’s school project. What could only be the most malformed and squat Qinis with, strangely enough, a Rauwryhr on his back interrupted Roko’s train of thought. “Give me your finest breeding population of Dizi rats!” The Qinis boisterously asked further shattering the stereotype of Qinis being quietly elegant and delicate.The enormous jar of money he was holding was enough for Roko to set aside his qualms with the being. He was followed by even stranger company. A Gaoian that carried another jar of money, another Qinis, although a good deal shorter than Roko, fit the stereotype to a T.
“Alright sir just give me a moment while I get them.” He replied. Such strange people. A little loud but not the worst I suppose. Might as well get rid of them quick and close up. Now where was that accursed box? Ah, here you are! He used all four arms to hoist the crate of noisy Dizi rats. He placed it on the counter. “That’ll be 800 mirons sir and would you like a hovercart?” Roko asked. The Qinis let go of the jar on the counter. It let out a hard thud. That must be at least 30 kilos! Roko began to wonder if this creature really was a Qinis until he picked up the crate of Dizi. That’s not a Qinis, that is some sort of freak experiment. “There should be about 830 in the jar, keep the change buddy” the freak casually commented as he and his trio of what Roko could only assume were care takers left his stall, heading towards the docks. Thank goodness they’re gone! Better close up quick before they come back.
John was starting to sweat by the time they made it halfway through the docks. Fuck me these are some fat rats. Hegan slid off the human’s back and landed with a graceful click as her claws tapped against the floor. John stretched his back with a few pops and took stock of the docks. The human found them surprisingly empty. There were only the Vzk’tk clean up crews and late night dockers. “Man I am beat!” John sighed but winced at how his voice carried across. “Holy shit the acoustics here are just… My God I would’ve killed for a place like in London.” The human chuckled.
“What are acoustics?” Regalo asked as he put down the jar of money by the box.
“It’s how good the sound is in a given area or something like that. Don’t really know what it means but I know it when I hear it.” The human said. John sang through two octaves of the C major key. His alto voice carried through the docks as John sang the scale. He soon stopped as he was joined by Vanima’s angelic voice. Although her voice was stunning she lacked volume and was flat. Vanima noticed everyone staring at her and stopped. She averted her eyes to the floor.
“Was I that bad?”
John simply stared at her for a moment before answering. “Ok how the fuck long have you been able to sing and why was I not informed? I mean shit with a bit of practice and you’ll kick my ass at singing.” John joked as his laugh resounded across the docks. What caught the human’s eye however was the stupefied looks of all the Vzk’tk present. Hmm… Maybe singing is their thing.
“Ah finally something we can do better than you.” Regalo joked.
“Hey you guys can do lots of things better than me! Like actually function as a member of an intergalactic society,” John said as he picked up the box again. Hegan clambered back up on John’s back and Regalo picked up the jar. “I mean I would have no idea how to do anything without you guys.” The human huffed as the group walked down the docks looking for their ship.
“Ah where would you be without my benevolent wisdom.” Regalo joked. John smiled and rolled his eyes at his friend. Soon enough John arrived at his home away from home with his friends. Hegan slipped off John’s back as the human quickly waddled to the kitchen. He dropped the box on the table with a slight plop, much to the dissatisfaction of the Dizi within. John opened the box to finally see the Dizi within. They were all huddled in a corner facing away from him.
“Awww! They’re so- Oh.” He said as he gently picked one up only to see the very essence of derp stare back at him. My God, evolution just punched you in the face didn’t it. “Alright Regsy. Prepare to have your tastebuds obliterated by my famous Jay Burgers!” as he pondered how to kill the Dizi quickly and painlessly.
“Jae Burgers?” The Gaoian inquired.
“Alright a Burger is a piece of meat between two pieces of bread with some vegetables and sauces to complement it. The J stands for John but John Burger doesn’t really roll off the tongue.” The human answered as he gently patted the Dizi in his hand. Maybe if I slam it against the table it’ll snap its neck? Snapping necks are quick and painless right? John raised his hand above his head and slammed the Dizi rat against the counter. The poor rat exploded like a water balloon on the counter, splattering John’s upper body in orange blood.
Regalo heard a sickening splat behind him and quickly turned to find half the kitchen wall painted orange. John slowly turned around with that same muted expression of absolute horror he wore when they witnessed the fate of those who couldn’t fight the Hunters. “I’m going to go shower Regsy… You can cook dinner tonight.” John mumbled as he slowly shuffled out of the common room. Regalo turned to the girls and was mildly surprised to find them more amused rather than horrified at the gore. Well they wouldn’t be surgeons if they were uncomfortable with gore. In Regalo’s opinion the Dizi was so thoroughly splattered that it resembled a coat of paint rather than a brutal killing. The Gaoian sighed and rose from his spot on the couch and began cleaning the mess John left behind. Regalo picked up another Dizi rats and deftly snapped its neck. Regalo quickly and efficiently pulled the skin off of the Dizi and began separating the plump juicy meat on its back from the body. With that out he took out a pan and added some oil to it and let it heat up. He crumbed some Mina bread and coated the wet meat in it before tossing it onto the scalding oil on the pan. The girls eventually had to leave because of the scent of cooking flesh. Control yourself you can wait just don’t think about eating it don’t think about how good it smells. It smells so good. Regalo pulled out a fork from one of the drawers and made sure the meat evenly cooked before moving it to a plate. He then set about making more fried Dizi before he made a small portion of sweetened vegetables for the girls. I’ll need to feed the Dizi to make more of them. Regalo fed the now traumatised rats bits of the leftover vegetables before slowly hefting the box and storing it in the corner with the lid open. Regalo cleaned up the kitchen and set the table. “Dinner’s ready!” he called out. He knew they would all be ravenous at this point of the day. John shuffled in with an uneasy smile but soon became bewitched by the scent of cooked and seasoned meat.
“Regsy can I marry you?”
“Marry me?” Regalo asked, curious about the concept.
“Y’know that thing I told you about humans picking one mate and sticking to them? The process of becoming paired with someone is called marriage thus marrying.” John explained as the girls appeared shortly after.
Regalo chittered. “I think I’ll pass on the offer.”
Hegan sniffed the air. “The meat smell is a bit sickening. Do you mind if Vani and I have out meal in the medbay?” she asked. John nodded and the pair served themselves vegetables and left, quietly talking amongst themselves. I wonder what those two are always up to. Good to see Vanima fitting in better. When he turned back to the main dish of tonight he was shocked to find a quarter of it gone already and the human tearing through the flesh with complete abandon. The sad waters dripped from John’s eyes.
“John are you ok?” Regalo asked.
“This tastes so fucking good Regalo.” The human sniffed in between bites. With that out of the way Regalo gorged himself on meat for the first time in a long time. In almost no time at all the fried Dizi was gone and the two friends sat with orange stained mouths. “Fuck me, I missed meat so much. My friend, you’re an artist with meat.” John sighed contently before licking his lips.
“I don’t think I’ve ever eaten as much meat as I have now.” the Gaoian huffed before licking his paws clean.
“Well I’m out for the night. I need to digest all of this goodness” John slowly rose from his seat and trail his way out of the common room. Regalo soon joined his brother as the pair collapsed onto their bed.
“Goodnight buddy.” He heard the human murmur.
“Sweet dreams.” Regalo replied as he curled up into a ball.