6y 7m 1w 0d BV
John sat in the common room bored out of his skull. Regalo was tapping away at a tablet, and Vanima was pouring over her notes about his biology. Oh my God please something happen. Regalo took in a breath as if he was about to ask something. John’s eyebrows rose and his eyes widened as he stared at his Gaoian friend. Regalo exhaled and resumed writing. Normally with so much free time John would practice the violin but they had been in FTL for almost two months and there was only so much practicing a man could do before going insane.
“I’m so bored… I demand we stop somewhere,” he ordered, much to the shock of his two crewmates.
“What do you mean stop somewhere? Degaussing is in 3 days, why would we stop now?” Regalo asked as he looked up from his tablet.
“Why don’t you just practice your violin like you always do?” Vanima added.
“There is only so much practicing I can do before I go absolutely insane. I need to do something before I go crazy so I’m ordering us to stop at the nearest world for a few days or something. Hell we can degauss or whatever while we’re at that world! So it’s a win win for everyone!”
Both of their jaws dropped at John’s offer.
“Wait John you mean your species can willfully render themselves insane?” Vanima asked, suddenly more invested in John’s tantrum. Shit do I tell them the truth? If I tell them the truth they’ll just tell me to stop whining and be bored for the next three days until degaussing… If I don’t I can go planet side within the day.
“Uh… Well… No we can’t but I need to do something! I can’t just sit here and do nothing,” John replied.
“Why didn’t you tell us? Come, we’ll go find a habitable world to degauss early at,” Regalo suggest as he got up from the couch and walked to the Bridge. Reason number 874 for why Regalo is a bro: He lets me dick around. Vanima and John quickly followed after the Gaoian and saw him waiting for John at the nav unit.
“Computer, how long to get to the nearest habitable world?” Regalo asked.
“Nearest habitable world 1 week, 3 days 4 hours away.” John’s shoulder’s sagged in frustration and dejection before an idea blossomed in his mind.
“Computer, How long to get to the nearest Class 10 or above world?” the Human asked.
“ Nearest deathworld is a Class 10 30 minutes away.”
“John are you sure you want to go to a deathworld? Creatures that can actually harm you live there so I urge you to please be cautious this one time,” Vanima ordered John. It can’t be too bad to visit a deathworld. It’s a Class 10 and I’m a Class 12 so I still outclass them. I’ll have Guardian with me so I’m gonna be the toughest shit on the planet.
“Yes, I’m sure Vanima. It’s a class 10 too, so it’s not like the stuff there can match me. I’ll have Guardian and my coms with me so not only will I be safe but you could contact me and recall me whenever.” Regalo seemed convinced by the argument and changed the FTL course to the deathworld.
“If we are stopping at this deathworld John, then you must follow these guidelines before I’m even going to let you on Prestissimo.” Regalo gestured for the duo to follow him.
“Hang on let me just get Guardian and some stuff if I’m gonna visit a deathworld. I’ll meet you two at the nanoforge,” he told them as he practically flew down the ship’s neck and into his room. John quickly secured the sword to his waist and looked around for his backing music box.There ya are! He had had Regalo configure the box to accept his coms as earphones. He stuffed the box and earphones in his pocket and scarpered to the maintenance underbelly.
He found Regalo and Vanima standing there slightly bored.
“Alright John if you’re going to visit a deathworld you’ll need a EVA suit-”
“In case the air is toxic n stuff yeah,” John quickly finished, eager to get to the deathworld. Regalo paused and gave John an odd look before carrying on. “Well… Yes but since I’m not really a clothes designer…” He looked to Vanima. The Qinis rolled her eyes.
“You assume that since I’m a Qinis I’d know how to fashion clothing.”
The men looked at her dumbfounded.
“Can you not?” John asked.
“Well of course I can but the assumption that I can is speciest!”
“I-I didn’t mean to offend you Vanima I just hoped you’d be able to help us!” Regalo squeaked, his primordial instinct to appease angered females triggered. Vanima harrumphed and both men retreated from her.
“Fine. I’ll make the suit but be mindful of the assumptions you make next time or should I start assuming all Gaoian males are irrational and flighty and deathworlders are bloodthirsty and mad.”
“In my defense you wouldn’t be completely wrong in saying that,” John cryptically retorted. Vanima looked just about ready to press the point about what John meant but he fixed her with a solid gaze. The Qinis averted her eyes back to the terminal. Being the *predator has its perks. *
Vanima smiled deviously as she pulled out a measuring tape from her purse. Oh shit what is she gonna make me wear. She unfurled the tape and measured almost every part of John’s body, all the while muttering to herself.* Earth to Fashion Land do you copy*. She then tapped away at the terminal, pausing often to look at John’s figure before resuming. When the suit was finished, she pulled it out of the nanoforge and the men’s jaws collectively hit the floor.
I am never taking that off. God, forgive the poor bastard who tries to take it off of me because I’ll be sending them to ya. The suit was matte black. It was covered with what looked like metallic armor scales one each of the chest, stomach and arms. There was a backpack of some kind attached to the back of the suit. His helmet looked like ones he’d seen on bikers but high-tech. It was sleek and angular with a flashlight attached to its side.
“Try it on John,” Vanima told him, snapping him out of his reverie.
John quickly took off his sword and put the suit on top of his regular clothes and was surprised to find that if fit him like a glove. He replaced the sword at his waist.
“Jesus this thing is really tight.” That’s what she said. He tried to wiggle in the suit.
“Well it is a vacuum suit. I added a few modifications to it” Vanima explained as John donned the helmet. He was met with blackness until the helmet clicked and the world around him could be seen.
“I had a communications suite installed into your helmet so not only can we keep track of you from here but we can also communicate with you. It also displays your vitals along with other useful information,” She explained. “There is an atmospheric scanner in the mouthpiece here and a filter so that you don’t need to rely on the oxygen you carry. At your oxygen intake, I would say that the in-suit supply would last you 5 hours. I’ve added some titanium scales on your vital areas and arms as protection. Don’t get me wrong John, you’re one of the most powerful beings in the galaxy right now, but you’re going to visit a planet where that won’t matter because everything else is also the most powerful being in the galaxy.” John looked around with the helmet on. As Vanima had said his heart rate was shown on the corner of the helmet along with the oxygen levels of his tank and how much time he had if he kept breathing at the normal rate. “Last but not least the suit is stylish and will show off your physique to all female humans in the area.” John’s cheeks burned and he looked to the ground as the two aliens laughed.
“Such a prude John,” Regalo teased his friend. John shook his head in an attempt to shake away the blush.
“Yeah, yeah I’m the prude hardy har now anything else this suit does?” John tersely asked.
Vanima giggled lightly at her friend’s shyness and continued. “Finally you have a flashlight in case it gets dark out and a backpack to bring back items to the ship if you want, but we’ll need to scan them in vacuum before you actually decide bring them to the ship.” Regalo led the two back through the labyrinth of The Lost Minstrel’s maintenance underbelly and to the small hanger behind the concert hall.
Crates upon crates of food were stacked high in a corner of the hangar. Standing proudly in the center facing the hangar door was Prestissimo. “While we were on Madoro I took the liberty of making some… improvements to Prestissimo,” Regalo informed them as they drew closer to the ship. “John if you please enter the ship while Vanima and I head to the bridge.” And with that the two aliens left John in the hangar. Aright what technobabble bullshit will you pull on me this time. John popped open the cockpit and climbed into the shuttle. Already the inside was different. Gone were the 4 stasis pods and the reactor seemed to have more plating of some kind on it. There was an extra terminal in addition to the coms, FTL, and nav unit. John strapped into his seat as Regalo’s voice came through the coms in his helmet. “You may have noticed the inside is a little different.” John chuckled and replied.
“I’m beginning to wonder what you define as little Regsy.”
“Well I’ve turned the whole ship into a stasis pod to free up more room.”
“How did you do that?” John responded as he began the takeoff protocols. Prestissimo shook a little as the landing thrusters activated and the landing gear retracted. “Permission to take off.”
“Granted we just exited FTL over the deathworld. I cannibalized the 4 stasis pods in there and used them to augment the stasis field to fit the ship but that’s not the only thing I’ve done.” The hangar door slowly opened as the Gaoian continued. “I’ve added reactor dampeners so you won’t go deaf in there and inertial dampeners because I don’t want you to get killed flying that accursed shuttle. Finally I’ve added a power distribution terminal beside your nav unit so it’s easier to control which system receives power and how much.” John slowly pushed the thrusters and moved out of The Lost Minstrel. As he exited the ship’s artificial gravity field John felt weightless for the first time. Holy shit this is so cool! The straps of his seat kept him in place.
“Engaging thrusters. Regalo when we get back I’m inventing a new game.”
“Oh? And what game will you be inventing?” John pushed the ship to Mach 20 but could only feel a gentle push into his seat. Well what’s the fun in going fast if you can’t feel it… He swerved around The Lost Minstrel and finally got a look at the planet. John gasped at the beauty. He was never able to see the planets as they were in space since he was always busy with landing the ship. A blue pearl hung in the eternal blackness of space. Adorned with green, gold, and white the planet floated serenely in the nothingness. Everything that ever existed and has existed has died on that planet. It’s just so small… It’s so insignificant in the grand scheme of everything… I mean look at it! It’s a little grain of sand in some cosmic desert bigger than I can conceive. Holy fuck it’s beautiful. John flew the shuttle to the planet.
Vanima watched the Gaoian pace back and forth, checking time and again John’s vitals. His usual calm and rational nature that seemed unshakable in the face of the lunacy called John was replaced with malaise and worry. “You know… I’ve never seen you two apart,” Vanima commented as she watched the progression of the shuttle landing on screen.
“I’m sure you’ve seen us apart.”
“No, you stick to him like a shadow. You even share a bed together.”
“Well one of us needs to keep an eye on him. Make sure he stays safe and happy.”
“Do you not believe John can stay safe and happy on his own?”
“Who knows what madness he’ll get up to! He’s just an innocent being lost in a galaxy that doesn’t care. He doesn’t understand the dangers of the galaxy.” He snapped back.
“John’s biology puts him at the level of this God being of his when compared to us. A small army of Johns would tear apart both the Alliance and the Dominion.”
“But what will his strength accomplish in the face of the shuttle losing pressure? Or a deathworld predator decides it likes its meals in bite sizes? I just… He scoffs at insurmountable odds and he’s surpassed them every time. We can’t afford a ship to travel to Gorai? Don’t you worry he’ll play until his fingers bleed. How will we secure provisions to sustain the journey? We’ll just perform at every stop and hope the locals give us scraps to live by on. I just fear that one day he will face an overwhelming obstacle and that this time it won’t be enough,” Regalo sighed as he collapsed in the captain’s chair. Vanima rose from the nav unit and sat on the arm of the captain’s chair. She reached out and stroked his furry head.
“Regalo, I can tell you for certain that John is as safe as he can be, even on that deathworld.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because he has us watching over him.”
John had just broken atmosphere at Mach 20. Immediately the Nav unit began blaring multiple warnings as the shields struggled to stay active and keep out the heat of atmospheric entry. Shit, need to divert more power to the shields. He tapped at the terminal beside him and routed power from all systems, save life support, into the shuttle’s shields and thrusters. John sweated as the shuttle’s shielding in addition to the heat absorbent metal struggled to keep all of the heat from his high-speed entry out of the ship. John activated his landing thrusters and slowly the ship stabilized. Note to self, do not enter atmosphere are Mach 20. John flew past the clouds and gaped in wonder as he saw the alien world beneath him. Enormous trees dominated the landscape below. Their leaves shimmered as a gentle breeze rustled them. Soon enough John came up on expansive plains. The golden grass rippled as John landed the ship. When he rose, his muscles groaned slightly and his joints popped. Oh sweet mother Mary and Joseph hello gravity. He walked out of the ship and stood in the knee-high grass. I missed you so much gravity, he thought as he stretched himself out.
“John, have you landed safely?” Regalo’s worried voice chirped from the coms in his helmet.
“Yeah Regalo I’m fine, activating atmospheric scanner now,” John replied as he tapped his helmet’s mouthpiece. The helmet still gave him the same amount of oxygen he had gotten used to on the ship.
“Alright John the atmosphere is safe for you to breath but just a warning the atmosphere is 31% oxygen,” Vanima’s voice warned him.
“I’ll live,” he replied as he broke the seal of his helmet. He took it off and took a deep breath. The rush of scents that demanded his attention was almost as intoxicating as the rush of oxygen. John shivered as the familiarity of a deathworld environment embraced him. Oh sweet fuck I can breathe. I can actually breathe. The warmth of the sun on his face somehow felt stronger, more real than the previous planets he had been on. He reached up and ran a hand through his long curly hair as he took a deep breath. The air also felt heavier, more humid. Ah yes, frizzy humidity hair, we meet again. John synced his coms to the shuttles so he could find his way back. He clipped his helmet to his belt and reached into his suit. He took out his coms and attached it to his ear. “How are you liking it John?” Vanima asked. John could almost picture her with her notebook and fancy little pen, ready to write. “It feels like home in a weird alien way although the air was never felt this thick but it could be me getting used to being back at home levels of oxygen or something,” John replied. If he strained hard enough, he could almost hear the scratching of the pen against the notebook.
“Alright guys I’m turning off the coms for a bit while I just explore alright? I’ll leave the transmission trace so you can track me,” John informed them as he switched the broadcast settings from automatic to press only. He pulled out the music player and tapped at it so it would play to his coms. He hit play and began exploring the golden fields of the deathworld he decided to name Sha. The music coursed through his soul. John smiled, as an adventurous spirit possessed him. The plant was similar to wheat in that it had seeds at the top, which fell when John rustled them, but the similarities ended there. The seeds resembled pistachio nuts and had a pleasant aroma to them. I should start a garden on the ship, he thought as he harvested what he now decided to call rose wheat. He had gathered a good handful and stuffed it in his pack, taking extra care to harvest the seeds of the plants he didn’t harvest. With rose wheat in his pack the human ventured forth into the forest.
Regalo growled slightly as John’s coms line went dead. Vanima was sitting at the captain’s chair with her notes and tablet whilst he had taken her spot at the nav unit, tracking John’s position on the planet. “I wonder what he’s getting up to on that deathworld?” Vanima sighed as she turned a page in her notebook. Regalo could never understand why she chose such an antiquated form of data storage, but Vanima seemed content with it.
“It’s John. He’s probably off on his merry way without a care in the galaxy into what could be his certain death, all the while smiling and laughing.”
Vanima tapped her chin before responding. “The only creature I can know of that can actually match John is a Vulza.”
“What’s a Vulza?”
“A Vulza is a large reptilian creature. I can’t remember how large they can grow but some can be as large as the shuttle. They’re a deathworlder species but I’m sure they’re not from a class 12…” Vanima kept tapping her chin as she tried to recall more information. “They originated from some deathworld far away from here. The Alliance has a breeding program on multiple class 10 deathworlds but as you can imagine the location of where the planets are is top secret.”
“Well we are a week away from an active warzone.”
“Why would the Alliance set up a breeding program near one of the least important war theaters?”
“I don’t know but I’m sure they have. Maybe they want a quick victory here to shift troops to more important theaters?”
“John’s paranoia is rubbing off on you,” she teased. Regalo chittered slightly. Maybe I am just paranoid.
The woods were alive with the sounds of hundreds of strange birds. The aerial view of the forest had concealed the myriad of giant mushrooms and small tree like plants. The mushrooms came in all shapes and sizes; the smallest ones being John’s height and the largest ones were the size of The Lost Minstrel. Man you’d probably be high as a fucking kite if you did these shrooms. John walked closer to one of the smaller ones his size and inspected them. The mushroom had a blue cap with golden tear drop like fruits held by a some sort of clutch at the top. What the fuck are those? John reached up and plucked one of the odd teardrops and sniffed it. The fruit had a sweet sugary smell. It felt sticky like the rosin he used on his bow. I want to eat you but I don’t eat food if I can’t spell the name. He plucked a few more of the fruit he now called space honey. When he finished harvesting the space honey he noticed that his arms were coated in a thick blue powder. John grimaced at the powder and wiped it off on a tree. He continued his journey into the woods, passing organisms stranger and larger than before as he plunged deeper. John collected wood that had fallen from the titan trees and placed them in his pack next to the space honey fruit and rose wheat. He meandered through the woods for what felt like ages as he passed streams and lakes, and occasionally saw the odd wildlife. There was what looked like the cross of a deer and a dog, with vicious looking fangs, that had been drinking at a lake and were not very welcoming when John arrived at the scene. Not wanting to cause trouble with the saber tooth deer population, John slowly backed away and thanked God he hadn’t wet himself. Man, this is what being in space is all about. All these weird aliens just going about their lives. I guess since I’m visiting their planet I’m the alien. Dang I need to up my alien street cred, do a few anal probes or whatever. Can’t just ditz around on a planet. I’m probably humanity’s first willing explorer or something. John Orion Ash, space explorer and musician extraordinaire. Yes, I will definitely not be locked up in a loony bin for claiming I was best buddies with a space raccoon and a weird eared space elf. Like I could go home. I guess home’s the ship now. Maybe Gorai with Regalo, if that’s possible. Vanima would stay with me to be my own personal doctor and Regalo would be amongst his own and I’ll just chill at the raccoon hobbit holes. John’s coms beeped, interrupting him from his musings. He paused his music then reached up to tap the broadcast button.
“John, the sun is going to set soon, so you may want to return to the ship,” Regalo informed him.
“Roger that Regsy, see you on the ship. Also I got a bunch of things from this world.”
John could hear a bit of background murmuring before Vanima came on the coms.
“I’ll need to run a scan on the items you brought back to see if they’re safe, and I’ll run a scan on you in vacuum to see if you picked up anything nasty.”
“Yeah alright.”
“And John? Do be careful, Regalo is just about ready to come down himself and get you back, and keep your broadcast setting to automatic on the way back.” John chuckled and shook his head.
“Tell Regsy I love him too alright?”
Vanima giggled and John could just barely hear grumbling in the background. “Will do John,” the Qinis replied. John toggled the settings and began his journey back to the shuttle. His march through the forest was uneventful, yet the universe wasn’t about to let John have an experience devoid of fear. When John arrived at the forest’s edge his shuttle had managed to find company. A dragon just slightly larger than Prestissimo was offering the shuttle a multitude of dead carcasses in an attempt that John could only describe as flirting.
“John what’s wrong your heart rate just skyrocketed,” Vanima barked at him.
“There’s a [untranslatable] flirting with my ship,” He breathed back in muted terror as he slowly backed away into the woods. John tripped on a fallen branch and nearly wet himself as the dragon turned to look at him. When the dragon roared John did indeed wet himself.
“I suppose we can’t talk this out?” he squeaked as he got up and drew out Guardian in shaking hands. The dragon roared and charged the human. John jumped out of the way, narrowly missing the raging reptilian razor maw.
“John! Remember! You’re the strongest thing on that planet right now! You are the apex predator!” He heard Regalo practically shout in his ear over the coms. John’s panicked mind snapped to attention at the voice and looked to the dragon that was clawing to a stop and turning at John. He activated the edge as the dragon approached John more carefully. Well you did want to be a knight slaying dragons as a kid, the small calm part of him reminded. The dragon took a slash at John with its claws and the human swung the sword. Guardian sliced through the claws with ease yet the paw hit and sent the human skidding away on the ground. John saw the dragon getting ready to pounce on him and John started scrambled away. The dragon leaped, its maw missing John by inches yet John’s arm suffered cuts from the dragon’s remaining claws. Only the armored plating Vanima had put in the suit had saved the human from being dismembered and grievously lacerated. John swung his free sword arm into the dragon’s skull, the sudden intense heat cooking its brain rather than the actual cut. The dragon collapsed where it stood, trapping John’s free arm under its paw.
“John, John, the vitals show major breaches in the suit. John, what happened,” Vanima calmly ordered. The human could hear a loud keening noise in the background of the command. John used Guardian to cut off the dragon’s paw and free his arm.
“Yeah I’m fine the cuts don’t look too bad,” John replied as he looked to his arm. The plating was absolutely shredded and the fabric pierced, revealing three long yet shallow cuts along his right bicep.
“There should be an emergency medical kit in Prestissimo.” John nodded absentmindedly and rose up. He walked over to Prestissimo, avoiding the carcasses, and struggled to haul himself into the ship. Note to self; bring a fucking stepladder next time. He fell with a thud and groaned at the shooting pain in his arm. “In the nav unit there should be a small locker.” John looked to the bottom of the unit and saw a small handle. He opened and surely enough there was the med kit. “Alright John I need you to open it and take the tube labeled adhesive gel and apply it generously to the cut. John followed the Qinis’ directions and sharply sucked a breath when he pressed the tube against his cuts. The pain ebbed away slowly as the gel fused John’s tissue together, but he could still feel the sting. After he had a moment to collect himself, what he had just accomplished finally sunk in.
“Holy shit.”
“What is it?” Vanima asked.
“I just killed a fucking [untranslatable]…”
“What’s a dragoon?” He heard Regalo ask, the word fitting oddly in his muzzle.
“It’s a giant lizard that could fly and breath fire and this one may not have breathed fire but by fucking God I fucking killed it…” he mumbled as his head wrapped around the concept. Motherfucking space dragons.
“Your planet has creatures like those?!” Vanima squeaked. John waved a hand and replied.
“No. I’ll explain it to you later I just need a moment alone ok?”
“Alright John we understand. If you need us we’re here for you alright?”
“Yeah sure…” He muttered absent mindedly as the coms went dead. It took a few moments before John whooped and cheered. “I’M A FUCKING DRAGON SLAYER. SUCK MY DICK ORNSTEIN,” John roared as he gently eased himself out of the shuttle. He walked around the carcasses and back to the corpse of the dragon. “In your face you little shit stain!” he shouted at the dragon. John laughed away the stress and tension of nearly dying to the beast. After a good long while he looked to the corpse with renewed interest and a savage grin. He reached for his music player and set it to broadcast on every channel as well as audio the one song perfect for this one moment. John shouted along to the song as he used the deactivated edge of Guardian to pry off the dragon’s scales. Slowly, John had pried off the large scales off the dragon’s back. He placed them in his backpack and carried some in his arms. Before leaving the dragon he decided to take one of the claws as a memento of his first time on a deathworld. He tossed the backpack and scales in the ship and looked at the animal carcasses that were beginning to smell.
“You classy hoe,” John chuckled as he fondly patted Prestissimo. He slowly climbed into the shuttle. He moved some of the scales from the pilot’s seat and reactivated the coms. “Alright I’m heading home guys. I’m bringing some souvenirs from this trip,” He informed them.
“What are you bringing?” Regalo asked as John powered up the landing thrusters. Prestissimo slowly rose.
“I’m bringing back some seeds and some fruit and a fuck ton of dragon scales.”
“We’ll bring in some HAZMAT suits and clean you in vacuum. I’ll leave some tape in the hangar so you can seal up your suit before we vent the air,” Vanima instructed him. John nodded as he pushed the ship and escaped the atmosphere. He synced up with the nav unit of The Lost Minstrel and set the shuttle to land in the hangar. It still unnerved John that despite the hangar door being open, there was a force field keeping the air in. John brought order to the scattered dragon scales and left them in a neat pile by the backpack. He exited the shuttle and saw a roll of duct tape left in the center. Even in space, duct tape fixes everything. John wrapped the tape liberally around the hole of the arm of his suit. He put on his helmet and sealed it with the suit. John toned a beep from his coms.
“Alright John hang onto something.” John held onto one of Prestissimo’s landing gear. John felt an inhumanely powerful force trying to rip him away for a few moments as he clung to the shuttle for dear life before it stopped. John cursed as he grasped his injured arm. Vanima surprised the human by touching his shoulder. The Qinis was in a much more basic EVA suit than John’s armor plated version. The suit looked much baggier and infinitely more comfortable than his. Vanima ran a small barcode scanner device up and down John and nodded at the human. She moved into the ship as John walked to the door. The door opened and John walked in. He felt the weird shiver of a force field when he marched passed the doorway. Regalo practically tackled John and patted the human’s helmeted head.
“You… You!… You shit!” the Gaoian cursed, surprising John with the English word. “I was worried sick about you! I swear John you’ll turn my fur white by the time we get to Gorai! What were you thinking? Fighting a giant flying lizard!” Regalo half shouted and half keened. John laughed as he stroked his friend’s back.
“I was thinking ‘oh shit’” John retorted eliciting chittering from Regalo as the Gaoian laughed away the stress of not knowing the fate of his friend. Vanima followed John and stood in the now slightly crowded hallway.
“The shuttle’s fine but we can’t keep the seeds and wood so I vented them. The scales, claw, and fruits are fine to keep but if you actually want to eat the fruit I’ll need to see what their composition is,” she informed them. John quickly dashed back to the ship and returned with his bag of treasures. Upon his return John took off his helmet and breathed a sigh. Vanima slapped John lightly to avoid hurting herself.
“Ow!” John exclaimed more out of shock than pain.
“That’s what you get for fighting a Vulza,” Vanima calmly replied. Regalo chittered more and patted John’s thick curly hair. The trio walked to the Common room where John dumped his scales and claw on the table and left the backpack of fruit leaning against a leg of the table.
“Alright! Now how the fuck do I get out of this suit because it feels like a cheap castle.”
“Why a cheap castle?” Regalo asked. John smiled broadly and replied.
“No ballroom.” The aliens gave John a confused look and the human sighed. God I miss human people. Vanima took a seat at the table as Regalo helped John out of the EVA suit, only made harder to take off by the chest plating. Vanima merely cut open her suit and gracefully stepped out of it. Eventually John was out of the EVA. He hummed the C major scale as he unstuck his normal clothing from his body and finally managed to de-wedge his underwear. God is real, he thought, as his crack was set free from the tyranny of boxers. “I’ll get these to the recycler. You two find out whether the fruits are edible,” Regalo informed them as he picked up the two ruined EVA suits and disappeared into the maintenance underbelly. Vanima was holding one of the fruit in her hand and ran the same little barcode machine.
“My word! Each one of these fruits has 700 calories!” she exclaimed. John cocked his head to the side in confusion and she continued. “There are high concentrations of fructose in them so I suggest only you eat the food. Regalo and I would be obese if we even sniffed at them.” John snorted as he walked towards the exit to the Bridge.
“I’m gonna go change because uh… yeah.” And with that the human left. A few moments later he returned in different trousers and asked.
“Alright, do you guys have movies?” John laid down on the couch.
“Of course we do! Here I’ll show you a favorite of mine,” Vanima told him as she joined him on the couch, sitting on John’s legs. John whined a little bit and Vanima let him adjust his legs so she sat with them on her lap. Regalo was right; it really does feel like lead pipes. Vanima scrolled through her meager movie selection she had brought with her from Sefsek. She connected her pad to the TV.
“What kind of movies do you like John?” she asked.
“I like fantasy movies so do you have any one of those?”
Vanima was caught off guard by the strange request. What does he mean by fantasy? I’ll just put up some feel good movie maybe that’s what he means? She played a movie about a young Qinis who worked her way to becoming the top model of the entire conglomerate. Regalo joined them early on in the movie and curled up slightly on John’s chest, leaning on Vanima.
“2 DCs says that she ends up being the top model,” John said without warning as the protagonist received her first rejection letter.
“I’m game for easy money,” Regalo replied, using one of John’s many metaphors. Oh my… After an hour and a half the movie ended with the protagonist accepting the award and John barked a laugh.
“Told ya.”
“How did you know she would though?” Vanima asked.
John shrugged and replied. “It’s a pretty clichéd movie. Honestly it was like a crappy underdog story. I know that in underdog stories you kinda know who wins but the fun is about how they win,” John explained. It’s possible his movies are just as complex as his music.
“Well I enjoyed it. Maybe at the next stop we’ll be able to buy recordings of Gaoian plays. Trials and Tribulations is my favorite play. It’s about-”
“Shhhhhh! Spoilers dude!” John interrupted, perplexing the aliens. Regalo ducked his head in a shrug and got off of John to prepare dinner.
“Alright, time for some documentaries! What do you feel like Vanima?”
“They’re all droll. I don’t know how you can stand watching them.”
“I just like knowing new things.” John shrugged as he cycled through the list. He decided to watch one about the Robalin war. Vanima sighed and sat by him. The narrator droned on about the early war about how the Robalin were winning the first few encounters. When the narrator brought up the biological agents and how the Robalin preferred bio warfare, John was taken aback. Does his species have no history of biological warfare?
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Uh nothing… It’s just I didn’t think you guys would’ve used biological weapons against each other. No offence from the military documentaries you guys have either the information is shit or your military commanders are shit so the fact that there’s a race that dabbled bio weapons is surprising.”
“Does your species engage in biological warfare?” John looked mildly offended.
“No! Of course we don’t! It’s against the rules of warfare and the Geneva Convention. The only time I think we used chemical or maybe biological weapons was during the World Wars.” Ah so they’re not- wait World Wars?!
“What is this World Wars?” Vanima failed to keep the entire quiver out of her voice but John didn’t seem to notice.
“Yeah there was World War One and World War Two. The first one I don’t know exactly why it was fought but this one guy was assassinated in a foreign country so their home country attacked the foreign one. That foreign one asked their ally for help and they did so the home country asked their ally. The first allied country asked for more help from other countries until eventually everyone was fighting everyone.”
His species is absolutely insane.
“The second one was when this crazy dictator took over for one of the countries and began using propaganda to depict some people as genetically inferior and so he started invading other countries to wipe out the people he deemed inferior. So him and his allies were just killing everyone but the other people fought back. We discovered nuclear power and we used nuclear bombs on one of the enemy countries.” This caused both aliens to pause and look at John. “What?”
“Your species used nuclear weapons… on themselves! On your home planet!” Regalo squeaked. John nodded and continued.
“Yeah, after that they surrendered and the world war ended. The nation we dropped the bombs on would have fought to the last man and making a landfall would’ve probably caused more death than dropping the bombs… I watched a lot of documentaries on Earth. I’m pretty sure the same Geneva Convention outlaws them in warfare… I think. I’m not sure but the bottom line is everyone agrees that nuclear weapons should never be used in warfare.” The tension eased amongst the aliens as John resumed watching the documentary.
Man they shat themselves a little when I told ‘em about World War Two. Good thing I didn’t mention the Cold War. He thought as he learned about the various diseases and bio weapons the Robalin used. The documentary ended with the Robalin being reeducated on a species wide level.
“Dinner’s almost ready,” Regalo announced. Without further delay Vanima and John rose from the couch and began setting the table. Tonight they dined on more goro root and sweet dough. Mid-meal John longingly looked at the bag of space honey.
“You can try one if you want John,” Vanima told the human. John jumped slightly at the comment. Was it that obvious? He reached into the bag and took one of the palm-sized fruit. He took a bite out of the sticky yellow part and nearly cried. Oh sweet merciful Lord these taste just like fucking skittles. Thank you Lord. John wolfed down the fruit, leaving behind the hard woody tendrils that kept the sticky substance in place. He reached for another one and devoured it, going as far as licking the husk for any remnants. “I think you’ve had enough sugar for one night John,” Vanima giggled. Regalo chittered slightly and reached across the table to pat John’s head.
“Any more and you’ll be up all night,” Regalo teased. John pouted slightly momentarily forgetting himself in the nostalgia and replied.
“But skittles taste so good…”
The aliens gave each other an odd look and shrugged in their respective ways.
“I’m sure they do John. Come, let’s get you to bed.” John nodded and rose up from the chair. Vanima rolled her eyes and gestured at Regalo. The Gaoian ducked his head in a nod. John followed Regalo to their room.
“Y’know, for just a small moment, I thought I was on Earth again. I was just a kid eating some skittles,” John revealed as he lay down on the bed.
“You’ll have to tell me what skittles are tomorrow,” Regalo said, undressing and joining John. The Gaoian curled up into a ball on the bed. John instinctively wrapped an arm around him and closed his eyes. Maybe one day… I could go home too…