Staring at the creatures for a moment Mary sighed and folded her hands behind her back. “Just kill me.”
The creatures in the room looked at one another and then back at Mary.
“What?” asked the unnaturally Tall and impeccably dressed creature in the center of the dark room.
Mary glared back at it, “I give up how the hell are you things real? For fucks sake!”
Stalking towards the closest of the creatures, one that looked like it was the sidekick Fucker #2 to the tall one Mary stared it in the eyes. Fucker #2 leaned back slightly, red eyes wide it took a small step back. Raising a hand Mary stabbed a finger into the thing’s mouth.
“Fucking hell kill me.” Groaned Mary as she glared at the pearly white fang inside the thing’s mouth.
Fucker #2 slapped her hand away and frowned. Mary winced, the crack of at least one bone breaking audible in the small chamber.
Mary took in a breath, “Fuck!” brining her good leg up Mary slammed it into Fucker #2’s crotch.
The creature’s eyes widened and it fell to its knees groaning in pain.
Mary pulled her phone out and switching her flashlight on inspected her hand, it was red and swollen already. “Fuck!”
“Would you please stop swearing!” growled the Tall creature.
“Motherfucker, you kidnapped me! You want to hold a nice conversation knock on my fucking door like the Mormons! Don’t drag me out of my bed at two in the morning and expect me to be fucking happy asshole!”
The Tall creature shook his head, “The vulgarity of this generation.”
Mary raised her hand and slowly extended her middle finger.
The Fattest of the pale creatures shrugged, “She’s got enough life in her to keep even your spawn entertained I think.”
Mary ignored him and stomped her right leg down on the creature still on the floor. Pain shot up her thigh, it was kicking a cinder block. The pain was manageable, and nothing at all compared to previous injuries.
“Will you stop, and listen to us?” asked the Taller creature extending his hands out in supplication.
“No!” Mary whirled on her feet, considering the utter stupidity of the things already she was only mildly surprised to see that the door to the dank room was ajar. Cursing herself Mary broke out into a run towards it.
There was a small thump and the Fat creature was suddenly in front of the opening, its red eyes flashed. “Stop cursing and listen to us.” The voice was layered with some sort of additional harmonic. Mary paused and swaying on her feet for a moment opened her mouth to curse. No words came to mind and she narrowed her eyes at the thing.
Raising the hand, she was now sure had a broken wrist Mary slammed it into her own head.
“Fuck.” She breathed as another wave of pain from bother her hand and head flooded her brain, clearing whatever the suggestion was.
The Fat creature’s eyes widened and Mary glowered at the thing.
“We have brought you here, because you have a very important role in the future Mary Susana Sue.” Said the Tall man from behind her.
Mary glanced back at him, and rolled her eyes. “Go to hell. You want to sell me destiny rent a booth in the mall next to the tarot card reader.”
“I assure you we are not mystics.” Growled the Tall man.
Mary huffed, “Your vampires with a rape fetish. How original. Like I said, kill me, or let me go I’m not staying here! Move Fatass!” She lashed out and hit the one in front of the door, his stomach gave slightly but he otherwise remained in place.
The Vampire on the ground, who she had apparently hit in the one delicate piece of his anatomy slowly got to his feet and shook his head, “Mary Sue, that’s not what this is. Your blood, it is marked as the match for my own. When I turn you, you’ll smell it as well. We’re destined for one another.”
Mary’s eyes widened and she guffawed once, “Wow, talk about an ego. Motherfucker, you kidnapped me! Now you love me? How the hell does that line up?”
The creature winced, “We needed to get you away from your home, another pack was moving through. Someone else might have matched with you. They would not have been so courteous, taking and biting you in your sleep. That’s assuming they didn’t simply drain you.”
“So instead of the vagrant vampires, I get the high class respectful ones. I feel so fucking lucky.” Mary sighed and put her good hand on her hip, “Convince me. What the hell is the advantage to being a Vampire?”
The Tall creature furrowed his brow, “Immortality, invulnerability, endless youth, every sense is enhanced and you no longer have to worry. The only thing you need is blood. If you have conniptions about killing Humans you can take only what you need.”
Mary rolled her eyes, “So considerate. What about the unadvertised benefits? Sunlight, wooden sticks garlic, silver bullets? Or is that werewolf thing?”
The Tall one’s mouth thinned and Fucker #2 hissed.
“Fucking hell, those are real too?” growled Mary.
“Do not mention them again!” hissed Fucker #2.
“Answer the questions.”
The Tall one glanced at Fucker #2 and nodded, “Sunlight is painful but not fatal. Wooden stick’s hurt, garlic smells bad and no bullet is lethal.”
“So how would I kill one of you?” asked Mary.
Fucker #2 frowned, “That is not something you need worry about.”
“Cool tell me anyway, kill me or let me go.”
Fucker #2 shifted awkwardly, “Enough blunt trauma can do it, or fire in enough of a concentration is lethal.”
Mary nodded “So, modern weapons are still lethal, and I have to hunt down and kill people to feed myself instead of going to the corner store. This seems so convenient. What happens if I don’t drink blood?”
The Tall man was frowning now, “You cannot resist the compulsion to do so. I said bullets would not affect you, no weapons that man has created have ever been effective at killing us.”
“How many of you fucker’s actual live in modern warzones?” spat Mary.
The Tall one raised an eyebrow, “Humans in wartime are more difficult to hunt. Their dull senses are on high alert, and the weapons are painful but nor permanently damaging. It’s easier to hunt in nations like this where the populous is docile.”
“What about a nuke?”
Fucker #2 blinked, “We strive to not be noticed enough for Humans to take such drastic measures.”
“A Warthog? Or, wait.” Mary paused and looked at the Fat one. “How old are you idiots?”
The Fat one puffed out his chest, “I am old enough to have watched Rome fall.”
Mary put her good hand in her face, “So you’ve been around for 2,000 years. Why the hell haven’t you assholes taken over the world? Does being a vampire make you an imbecile?”
“We are creatures without souls, aberrations of nature. For as long as we have existed we have kept ourselves in check. It is not our place to rule the Humans.” Said the Tall one.
“Your cowards you mean.”
His face hardened, and he glanced at Fucker #2. “You are sure her blood calls to you?”
Mary stepped forwards, “You’ve had the advantage for at least 2,000 fucking years. You’d rather just sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labor. You really are parasites. Humans die in droves against one another, if we had you to fight off? We would have united and killed you in an instant! Nowadays give a pissed of nineteen-year-old kid a gun and I bet he’d beat you!”
Mary stalked forwards, “So last question. What happens if I shoot off your dick? You grow that back?”
Fucker #2 looked taken aback for a moment, “Well, no. You can reattach a limb that is chopped off.”
“Have any of you looked at your biology under a microscope? If you can do that then you have nerve regenerative properties! Unless you are some deep voodoo magic?”
The Tall man drew himself up, “The Sciences of man are of little use to us. The medical sciences in particular. We do not get sick, we do not die.”
Mary reached down and pulled her pants leg up, “So I get to have a missing foot for eternity. No thanks!”
The three creatures looked at the mechanical limb as she flexed the black metal and carbon composite prosthetic.
“What happened to you?” asked Fucker #2.
Mary looked at him, “I was a pilot, I fought in a war, I crashed. I learned exactly what the inside of my leg looked like when I had to hack myself free. Morphine doesn’t help when the pain is in your fucking bones. So excuse me if I don’t feel threatened by parasitic fuck’s who are so assured of their superiority they don’t even know how to jam a cell phone! Even the dumbest fucks in the middle east would take radios when they kidnapped someone!”
The two in front of her blinked, “Cell phone?” asked Fucker #2.
Mary rolled her eyes and reaching around pulled her phone out, “A radio. You fuckers here yet?” asked Mary.
“You call us in the middle of the night Major, it’s just me and Hank.”
The three parasites stared at the phone, and Fucker #2 nodded, “No wires?”
Mary dropped the device and spinning on her remaining natural foot slammed her prosthetic into the fat creatures head. He stumbled to the side slightly and Mary leapt over him. She cursed as the prosthetic locked in place forcing her to run like a drunken pirate up the stairs.
The things had dragged her into the basement of some old house in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but a field around it.
Mary immediately went diagonally away from the top of the stairs.
“Mary!” shouted Fucker #2 as he ran up after her.
The loud report of the M107 anti-material rifle firing echoed over the field and Mary winced.
“You Fuckers hit me and I’ll kill you!” shouted Mary into the darkness.
Mary heard a groan behind her but didn’t look back as she tripped and fell flat on her face. The prosthetic not built to be slammed into anything as hard as it had been was beyond a quick reset. Not to mention she had unseated the thing from her stump, and it was digging into the sensitive flesh.
“Mother fucking sparkly ass vampires.” Growled Mary as she crawled through the dirt and mud of the surrounding field.
Headlights flashed on and the familiar roar of Reggie’s truck was for once a welcome sound to Mary. Continuing to crawl she had to trust that the two could see her on the ground.
The truck continued to barrel towards her and Mary yelped, rolling to the side as it nearly hit her.
“You fuckers!” shouted Mary as the truck slid to a halt.
Standing up in the bed of the truck, M107 planted on the roof Hank didn’t turn around to look at her but nonetheless grinned. “Just making sure you’re awake Major.”
Hoping up onto one foot Mary pulled herself into the back of the truck as Hank fired again.
Digging around in the bed of the thing Mary picked up the first assault rifle she found, ignoring the handguns that were sliding around the back. Raising the P90 and throwing herself up beside Reggie Mary accidentally shoved her knee into the back of the cabin window, showering Hank with glass.
“Motherfucker, I just replaced that!” shouted Hank as he floored the accelerator and sped towards the form that was slowly staggering to its feet in the field.
Mary ignored him and opened fire, the automatic fire of the military weapon was nothing compared to that of the plane she had once flown but it was none the less satisfying. At such a close range, all but a few of the fifty rounds slammed into the parasites chest.
“You bring explosives?” asked Mary.
Hank raised a bottle, “A little harder to swipe on short notice.”
“Yet you managed to get the anti-material rifle.”
Hank lit the length of cloth stuffed into the bottle and unceremoniously tossed it onto the thing.
The three didn’t watch as the creature burst into flames, focus already moving towards the stairs that Mary had run out of only moments before.
The Fat one stuck his head up, and before Mary could even register that the head was gone and a significant portion of the concrete behind him as well.
“Ow,” complained Mary as her ears rang, dropping the P90 Mary lifted the SPAS -12 shotgun up. Even on her best day the kick from the weapon was a little much to handle comfortably for her smaller frame, and without her prosthetic it was positively stupid.
Mary was pissed though.
Hank killed the engine and jumping out of his truck seated the M16 to his shoulder, Reggie dropped the anti-material rifle and raising his own M16 dropped to the ground behind his partner. Both quickly moved forwards to stand at the entrance of the stairs.
Dropping to the ground, falling onto her shoulder Mary winced as her broken wrist throbbed.
“You good Mary?” asked Hank. His eyes stull locked forwards.
“I just broke that leg in. Burn the them, idiots told me it’s the best way to kill them.”
“Maybe they were lying?” asked Reggie.
“I don’t think these fuckers even have a concept of tactics.”
Reggie shrugged and pulling out a lighter leaned down next to the fat one’s corpse and lit his clothes on fire. A human corpse would have perhaps smoldered, if anything. The parasite’s flesh caught on fire and within moments the entire thing was ablaze.
“Stop!” shouted the Tall one.
Slowly the creature moved out of the basement, his hands up and red eyes wide.
“Down on your knees!” shouted Reggie. Mary hobbled forwards between the two men watching as the thing slowly knelt.
“Major?” asked Hank.
“As much as I’d love to kill him, I think the eggheads will be able to learn some things from him.”
“You going to be the one to call the General and tell him what the hell happened here? I try and explain and I’m going to be committed.”
“You already need to be committed.” Growled Mary as she reached into the man’s pocket and pulled out his cellphone.
Mary paused, and looked down at the thing. The Tall man was glaring up at her, a mix of fear and pain on his face.
“You’ve been a parasite long enough, it’s time to earn your keep!”