13y 10m 3w 1d AV
Military spaceport, HMS Sharman, Folctha, Cimbrean
Champion & Sergeant Daar (Tigger) of Clan Stoneback
“I dunno,” pondered Daar as he examined the picture, “That’s a lotta green fur. After the stupid bear-snake—”
“Doom-noodle.”
“—bear-snake. Anyway, after that, I’m not really keen on coloring my fur again.” He shuddered slightly at the recent memory. All that…shampooing.
“Aww, c’mon, we both gotta make sacrifices for this!” Hoeff—recently given “Chimp” as a callsign for his super-powered monkey ability to climb—pointed out the skimpy fur costume he’d be wearing. “And I gotta shave everywhere, and wear a blond Prince Charming wig.”
“And cut out the carbs,” added Bestest Friend Tiny. “I mean, you’re pretty ripped already, but…you’re also kinda small for He-Man…”
“Quality over quantity! ‘Sides, you’re way fatter than me.”
“Hey, Tiny isn’t fat! Look at him, he’s the healthiest guy here!” Daar may not have been an expert on the human body but he knew quality when he saw it.
“Heh, no argument here, Chimp’s got a point.” Walsh mugged evilly at Hoeff, who only glowered in a manner that suggested no real anger. Probably. Daar still wasn’t quite sure when the Humans got into their love-via-insult bouts. It seemed so…tricky.
But Bestest Friend chuckled and nodded happily. “Still, he ain’t entirely wrong. I’m definitely a bit on the beefy side these days.” He pulled up his shirt and flexed his big abs and they showed up all strong and impressive, though unlike Chimp’s they vanished under a thin layer of padding when he relaxed.
This of course triggered a long round of “bullshit” from the Humans.
Daar liked to ponder while his friends bantered. Their verbal sparring could go on for several minutes, so while they fought he’d zone out and think about things. Just then? Daar was thinking about Tiny’s abs; Daar was slightly jealous of them. Or, maybe he was jealous of what Tiny could do with them. That thickly-muscled middle was the source of most of a Human’s upper body strength and it let them bend and twist under load in ways a Gaoian couldn’t. Daar had put a lot of work into strengthening his own core to keep up with the way the Humans climbed and moved, but even if he did have an really awesome set of abs himself—they were impressive before, but now they were much bigger and stronger—his would never be as good as Tiny’s.
Oh well. Tigger was a lot stronger in a bunch of other ways that Tiny just wasn’t. Teamwork! He had made so much progress that his middle was now thick and hard with rippling muscle. It made fourpaw a bit less graceful but he didn’t lose any speed or mobility, and some of the females said it made him look more attractive, too! Probably that was ‘cuz his chest, back, neck and shoulders all grew along with everything else. He loved it. Since Warhorse had clued him on the proper mindset, Daar resolved to see just how far a Gaoian could go; the Humans did with the Beef Trio, so why couldn’t Daar try the same thing? He was now so big and strong he was eating like the SOR, too!
Food was another weird thing about Humans. They loved to eat and eat big to the point they could put on large fat stores, which was something Gaoians really couldn’t do. It was a useful survival trait for the Humans but in modern times it made many of them obsessed with being “lean.” Daar had never been anything but—“anatomy chart” were the words Warhorse used—and it was a very rare Gaoian who was even a little “pudgy.” But Humans? Their inclination to grow fat and their need to avoid that made for all sorts of weirdness.
The ongoing teasing between Chimp and Bestest Friend was just one example. Chimp did have a point, though; Tiny wasn’t lean like those models Daar had found on the internet, that’s for sure. “Beefy” was the word he’d heard. But Tiny was fast, strong, could move forever, pretty (or so Daar believed), and healthy, so who cared? It didn’t seem to bother him very much.
They seemed to quiet down. Daar snapped out of his reverie and listened.
Tiny chuckled, “Thing is, I gotta have a bit of bulk to do what I do. Gives me endurance since I can’t compete with Tigger on strength anymore. Also, I ain’t tryin’ to look like a cartoon hero from the nineteen-eighties, either!”
“Bah! How are ‘ya gonna get the women if ‘ya don’t show off?”
Daar perked up. Was this a mating ritual? The holiday confused him; his internet searching suggested Halloween may have been about many things at once, but all of the clearly unrelated aspects of the celebration seemed to have merry-making in common. Daar and the other Brothers heartily approved even if its actual origins remained impenetrable. Candy? Costumes? Mischief? An excuse to play Pounce all day long, anywhere and against anyone?
Halloween was amazing. And now, with a mating contract in the works for the Climber? Daar was focused. He had a Mission.
“Oh, I dunno…” Tiny wore the little smirk that Daar knew meant Teasing. “Maybe with my wit and personality? S’worked fine for me so far. Also, I have a date anyway. I’m going as a priest and she’s going as a pregnant nun!”
“That ain’t realistic! She should be going as an altar boy.” Boss Coombes walked in already dressed as a vampire from human lore, which he had earlier declared was named “Count Blackula.”
Daar was pretty sure he understood that joke.
At least he understood some part of the humor involved. Lore-wise, that particular creature made no sense at all to Daar, especially given how the humans had transformed such an utterly horrifying concept into…breakfast cereal. It was really tasty and crunchy cereal, but still.
Nor could Daar let the statement go by without a comment. “…Alter boy? That makes no sense! Wouldn’t he…actually, whatever.”
On second thought, the assertion was almost certainly a hideously complex cultural reference so Daar quickly moved on. He learned early on to simply file away that kind of human weirdness in his Kwek-trap of a memory and look it up later. And anyway, he decided it made no sense for a man dressed up as a mythical creature to criticize the realism of Bestest Friend’s costume. Not that any of this Human holiday made much sense. Still fun, though!
Back to important matters. “There’s gonna be candy, right?”
“Yup! And the Goldpaw trading post imported a ton of Yatsu, which everyone is buying for the cubs. And themselves. It’s pretty good, heh.”
“YATSU?!” Daar whined happily. “Fuck yes!” Nobody bat an eye at his enthusiastic and proper use of an English curse.
“Yup. I hear they’re pretty tasty, too.”
“They’re the BEST! Especially the stick in the middle. Nice and crunchy!”
“Heh.” Hoeff returned to the matter at hand. “Anyway, you up for it? I mean…I don’t know if you’d let me, uh…” he seemed suddenly embarrassed, “Ride you, or anything…”
Tiny was indignant on Daar’s behalf, which he appreciated even if he wasn’t offended. “Wait, what are you gonna do to Tigger? DUDE. He’s not a fucking—”
“Sure! I’m supposed to be Battlecat, right? Well, He-Man rides Battlecat.” Daar walked over and glomp-hugged his very good friend! “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”
All three humans seemed suddenly nonplussed. Daar didn’t know why.
Bestest Friend broke the silence. He was very protective, like all good Friends. “Bro, are you sure? I know Regaari wouldn’t ever agree.”
“That’s ‘cuz he’s too wimpy to do it! Hell, I’m stronger than you, Tiny—”
“Barely.” Tiny grinned wolfishly.
“I think you mean ‘way, way stronger! And prettier, too…’” Daar returned the grin. Admittedly the effect from Daar was much more impressive, given his enormous, heavy jaws and his massive canines.
“Christ, man.” Tiny shook his head in amusement. “I’m glad I’m tougher than you, ‘cuz damn.”
Daar chittered, “Hah! Smarter and, uh, ‘ape-ier’ too. But I’m still stronger!” The other men chuckled at that! He was getting better and better with Human humor; not too different from Gaoian sensibilities, really. Just trickier.
Back to business. “Anyway, don’t worry, Friend. I’ve got practice and Chimp is really small, it’ll be fine. ALSO!” He bounced a bit, “I’m helping a Brother get laid! Ain’t no Gaoian Brother who wouldn’t help if he could! Why do you think we fight so much?”
The three humans looked at each other again, and shrugged. Good enough for Daar.
“Yeah! Now, you promise this stuff washes out easily…”
Chimp and Tiny headed to the latrines to prepare.
Meanwhile
Female Enclave, Gaoian District, Alien Quarter, Folctha, Cimbrean
Mother Niral of the Clan of Females
While the spirit of Halloween seemed generally wholesome, at the moment she wasn’t much enamored with the costumes. The Cubs were unconcerned. The Mothers had turned it into a craft project; since the first (very small) group of Cubs were approaching four Gaoian years old, and therefore well into their primary schooling, it was clearly past time for some creative hands-on education and in-depth exposure to Human culture before the males struck for Clans or trade schools when they turned five. Gaoian Cubs developed very quickly relative to Human children, Niral noted with some internal pride, though it wasn’t without its challenges. In this case, ambition.
And what an ambitious costume Niral’s little charge wore! One of the Sisters was a trained nutritionist and came specifically to study Human food—encouraged by Goldpaw and Highmountain males, no doubt—and, with luck, determine what might be tradable between the two species. She discovered that spinach and broccoli, when eaten together, were excellent substitutes for Meeshi greens in both taste and nutritional composition: better, in fact, and more easily digestible. This ended up solving a major problem with food import for their developing cubs, who at that young age desperately needed the nutrition afforded by Meeshi. The Cubs absolutely loved it, the broccoli in particular, and one determined she would wear a broccoli costume no matter how hard it would be to make.
And the males believed themselves strong-willed!
Niral once again asked her charge, “Did you need to pick broccoli?”
“I LIKE THEM!!”
Nirali simply head-ducked in weary acceptance.
The cub was barely four Gaoian years old and had more energy than seemed reasonable. Well-developed, too. It must be this human food, she thought. After all, it was densely nutritious even if the Human’s available foodstuffs weren’t always appealing. Why, they didn’t even have anything quite like Nava and that was just unthinkable. How could they cope? Scallops were maybe a close substitute…Regardless, their lack of Nava was a shame, especially with their strange distaste for its origins; Humans seemed to love the rich meat until they learned what it was. Why that so bothered most of them…
Aliens were alien.
Niral’s ears perked up when she heard Regaari making his entrance. He bantered briefly with the on-duty guard—it seemed only a matter of time before those two would consummate a mating contract—then ambled his way over to the crèche. Niral watched the entrance and in he stalked, wearing a human tuxedo without the slightest hint of awkwardness. It was cut and fabricated specifically for him and, well…it was strangely attractive.
“Regaari! I see your enormous friend finished your costume?”
“Yes, last week! He had help but…” Regaari spun around on his toes, “It’s finished! It looks like something James Bond would wear, huh?”
“Mostly,” she agreed. “Is it comfortable?”
“Yes! Though,” Regaari itched a bit at the collar, “It does take some getting used to. And it’s pretty warm.” He tilted his head, “Will you be dressing up?”
“No, I think not. I’ve had no time to prepare anything.”
“Will you still be coming with us?”
“Yes! I want to meet this ‘Warhorse’ you won’t stop talking about!”
Regaari duck-nodded agreeably and crouched down to play with Hina, Mother Niral’s broccoli-loving charge. She observed the two for a moment and reflected on Regaari’s costume. It really did look good on him, she decided. The stark black-and-white contrast of the strange garment drew attention to Regaari’s pleasing shape and handsome face while hiding unnecessary details, all in a strangely fetching manner. Perhaps the Humans were on to something.
She shook her head to clear her thoughts. Time for adult talk. “Hina, would you leave us be for a moment? The Sisters can help you with the rest.”
“Yes, Mother!” Hina pounced up, hugged both Regaari and Niral, then flounced out of the room, the broccoli-suit not quite perfectly stable atop her head.
“I notice you’re not wearing those human ‘shoes,’ and I bet I can guess why.” She looked at the (actually, quite intimidating) claws on his toes and wondered how the Humans managed without something so useful.
“Yup. I’ve grown my claws out,” confirmed Regaari. “Sharp claws are too important to go without in my line of work, sadly.”
Niral found the reluctant acceptance of his need both comforting and a bit frightening. Woe that the world had such use for violence! But he was not entirely without footwear; he instead wore bright white spats like some human cartoon characters. Somehow, they made the costume complete.
“No need to tear shoes apart, I suppose.”
“Indeed. They’re also expensive, Warhorse is not a, uh, cobbler? I think that’s the word, and my anatomy doesn’t match closely enough anyway. And I have foot-pads, too, so I don’t need them. Humans wear shoes because their world is filled with inhospitable terrain, which means they must wear shoes in many situations, which softens their feet, which means they must wear shoes.”
“…really? That seems like a vicious cycle.”
“Yup, though that’s a recent trend in their history from what I know. Many still go without. Warhorse? He and his teammates rarely wear them at all anymore. ‘Barefoot running’ is apparently better for their health; don’t ask me how, that’s just what Warhorse said. It’s a big trend in their fitness culture, too. And anyway, Humans have no real weakness that makes them use footwear. It’s mostly that they live in places filled with cold temperatures and sharp surfaces.”
“Cold I understand…but sharp surfaces? So does ours,” she pointed out. “So does every rocky world. What’s special about Earth?”
“The microbiology. None is as dangerous. When I was at Roosevelt park, my paws got roughed up by the terrain, nothing too bad. But Daar? He suffered a medical emergency from a fungal infection, all through a tiny little cut in his left forepaw! It’s not as bad for humans; they’ve got an immune system that just…it’s amazing. But their world has pathogens that even humans fear. One in particular that’s very common, something called ‘tetanus?’ It’s one of the most horrifying diseases I’ve ever heard of.” He shuddered a bit at the recollection.
Niral, though, was thinking of Daar. “Why would he get a cut on his fore—” Regaari favored her with a slightly annoyed look, “—right. Of course. The uncivilized brute.”
Like many females she strongly disapproved of fourpaw movement. Gaoians were supposed to be civilized, not poor imitations of their ancestors!
Regaari set his ears in an amused manner. “I presume Daar isn’t your type?”
“Oh, no, not at all! What good is a sire who can’t read or speak properly?”
“Don’t mistake his crudeness or lack of sophistication for stupidity,” he warned. “Daar’s one of the most intelligent Gaoians I’ve ever known.”
“Well,” she sniffed, “He sure doesn’t act like it.”
Regaari chittered in amusement, “No, sometimes he doesn’t. But he must be doing something right! The other guard—“
“Yes yes, I know. I try not to hold it against her.”
In response Regaari affected a human shrug. “Suit yourself. But something I’ve learned? One should never judge another by appearances. If I had, I’d never’ve made friends with the Humans, nor with Daar, and both have done incalculable service to me personally and to our people. Don’t forget that.”
“Wait, Daar? What has he done besides ‘knock up’ every young Sister within nose-shot?”
“Well,” Regaari chittered loudly in amusement, “He’s definitely done that! Sadly…I can’t discuss his service to us, not here. But, well: I call him both Cousin and Brother. Have you ever heard of that before?”
“…no, I haven’t.”
“Exactly! Trust this silly old Father, I don’t waste my time with useless people anymore. I value Daar. And I am talking to you right now, and taking you to visit my dearest human friends and Brothers. Does that mean nothing to you?”
Niral had no ready answer to that.
Regaari nodded agreeably. “Then let’s get going! Baseball and Righteous will be there, too. Something called a… ‘boy’s night?’ I’m told it’ll mostly be story-telling, snacking, and movie watching. And giving candy out to young ones.”
That did sound like an interesting evening. “Can we bring Hina? We could do this ‘tricky treating’ along the way.”
“Sure,” nodded Regaari, “Why not?”
Niral nodded in reply, they collected Hina (now properly costumed) then they ventured forth to experience Halloween.
One hour later
Warhorse’s apartment building
Father and Sergeant Regaari (Dexter) of Clan Whitecrest
Hina had quite a haul of candy, Niral was exhausted, and Regaari got to show off a bit by carrying Hina up the stairs towards Warhorse’s apartment. The apartment building was in full Earth gravity which was too much after such a long evening for either of the females to properly handle, so he also provided a helpful arm for Niral as she struggled up the stairs. By the end he was almost carrying her as well, a feat which warmed him with a quiet, steady pride.
Niral didn’t fail to notice, either, judging by her furtive looks; Dexter considered it a successful evening so far. He put Hina down just as they reached the landing so she could get one last haul of candy. Who was he to deny her fun?
They arrived and knocked firmly on the door as was the human custom. There was some muffled bellicose jeering—most likely the three were playing a video game of some sort—and the floor shook slightly as a preposterously heavy man thumped over and opened the door. Righteous appeared, standing tall and unashamed in the comically immodest natural state of all SOR operators; virtually naked in the functionally pointless Ranger shorts they all seemed to favor, and in his case, hairy, smelly, and ape-like, too.
That was perhaps not the ideal way to greet two unaware Gaoian females.
“Hello?” Righteous rumbled a greeting in his deep, gravely voice. He looked down at Hina, broke into the most unreserved and enthusiastic smile Dexter had ever seen a human give, then threw the door wide open. “Oh my GOD that’s so fuckin’ cute! Err…” Firth suddenly remembered his language. He switched to perfect Gaori and addressed Hina directly. [“Sorry, little lady.”] He nodded down at her with his wide, toothy grin, [“I didn’t mean to]…Oh.” Hina yipped in terror and swiftly relocated behind Regaari’s legs. Along with Niral. Not that Regaari could blame them.
After all, Righteous—Firth—was a truly enormous man by any measure, even by SOR’s standards. He’d caught up to and surpassed Baseball on the scale and now substantially out-performed him in every physical ability, a point of major pride. And though he didn’t have anything like Warhorse’s heft or power—that was a wide and growing gap to Firth’s resigned frustration—he was far and away the most athletic man alive and second only to Warhorse in strength, endurance, speed, or toughness. He could comfortably outperform any other human to ever live in any of those contests and Base could do the same under Firth. Together, the Beef Trio defined their own category of Human ability.
And in either case, nobody quite filled a space like he did. He was noticeably taller than the door and so broad his shoulders were entirely outside of the doorframe, almost as wide as ‘Horse’s. And unlike Warhorse, whose unguarded movements were usually heavy, solid, and unsubtle, Righteous’ motion was fluid, smooth, quick, and precise, much like a big predator stalking his prey.
To his credit he didn’t seem to enjoy scaring the females and in response to their obvious fear, crouched down to the ground to get his eyes level with Hina. [“Aww, I’m sorry little girl. I know I’m scary. Here—”] He reached toward the bowl sitting next to the door, [“I’ve got Yatsu! I think this one tastes like…something kinda minty?”] His giant hand dug through the pile and found a tiny little wrapped candy in the mass. It was vivid green and shaped like a leaf.
Hina eyed him fearfully and grabbed tighter at Regaari’s leg.
[“Okay,”] he said, [“I get it. Here.”] The big man rolled onto his back in as prone a position as he could manage. Even from that angle he seemed fearsome. [“Ain’t nobody ever been scary when they’re helpless, right?”] Hina cautiously edged forward. Niral emerged from behind Regaari, wary of her charges’ bravery.
Hina wore a worried expression. [“Will he hurt me, Regaari?”]
[“You are probably safer in this room than anywhere in the galaxy, little Sister.”]
That seemed to be all the encouragement she needed. She approached the bowl, which was next to Righteous’ head, picked out a Yatsu and a human candy along with it, then retreated slightly. Righteous, to his credit, smiled with a close-lipped grin and rolled over onto his side lazily.
[“S’all good. What’s your name?”] Again with the immaculate Gaori. He even made a passible version of the adult yip-click that signaled friendly intent.
“…Hina.”
[“I like that! It’s a pretty name. My name is…well, you can call me] Righteous. [Or stinky, that works too.”]
Hina chittered and Firth laughed along with her. Regaari could feel the tension in the room melt away as Righteous levered himself up into a cross-legged position and Hina pounce-attacked. He surprise-laughed like humans do, then raised his eyebrow as Hina thoroughly sniffed his face in the manner of Gaoians meeting new friends. Warhorse and Baseball—also barely clad in their amusingly unmodest shorts—watched from the other side of the couch and visibly struggled to maintain their decorum.
“You are stinky!” She proclaimed at last, now in English. “And fuzzy!”
“Yup!”
Firth nodded happily and stood up with Hina in his arms. She enthused at the high vantage point, so Firth responded by wrapping his mitts around Hina’s waist and raising her up to the ceiling. She chittered happily and poked at the textured surface. “Everything’s little now!”
Firth smirked smugly at Regaari, “Sarry, bud. I forgot to turn off my huge.” Regaari rolled his eyes and walked over to Niral to re-assure the nervous Mother. Meanwhile, Firth walked over to the couch and plopped down in the middle with Warhorse on his left and Baseball on the right. The four made friends as Niral looked on anxiously.
“I told you she’d be fine,” Regaari mouthed his reassurance quietly as the men admired Hina’s costume. “They’re aren’t many beings as good-spirited as them.”
“I believed you! It’s just, they’re so…”
“Much?”
She slumped a bit, “That seems like an understatement.”
“It is, and it’s the only one appropriate for them.”
“Hey, Dexter! You wanna watch a movie with us? We just finished PT and a game of Halo.”
“I thought you smelled over-ripe. What movie?”
“Har har!” Warhorse took it in good grace as always, which seemed to amuse Hina. “Anyway, uh…we were gonna do a horror flick…” Warhorse eyed the females, “But maybe something more, um, funny?”
“Nightmare Before Christmas?” suggested Baseball.
“That one should be fine. It has the Pumpkin King, right?”
“Yeah, we watch that one with you?”
Regaari shrugged, “It was the third movie we watched on the Caledonia, remember? Right after Full Metal Jacket.”
“Oh yeah, let’s watch that!” Warhorse bounded up to his feet enthusiastically to fetch snacks and shook the building as he bounced about, while Baseball busied himself with the large display. ‘Horse returned shortly with an enormous spread of edibles in his arms, carefully dumped them on the coffee table, then sat down on the couch between the other two.
And as predictable as the nightly rain, both Firth and Burgess pounced on Arés as soon as he sat down, keen on wrestling him to the bottom of the pile. The couch groaned wildly as the three strongest and heaviest men across all of humanity played like puppies. This was a routine so familiar that the only surprise to Regaari was that it took three seconds for Warhorse to pin them both; normally, he won so quickly there wasn’t any point counting. In any case, both men suffered as Arés easily crushed them into compliance—Baseball between Warhorse’s legs and Righteous in his arms—and maneuvered them both into submission pins simultaneously. A quiet little growl, a bone-crushing squeeze to both of them, and their quick and rueful surrenders gave Warhorse a decisive victory.
“You ain’t winning on my couch, bros.” A quick nuzzle with both and their brief but impressive combat instantly transformed into movie-time snuggles.
Firth couldn’t help but get the last word in edgewise. “You gotta slow down eventually bro. When you do I’mma catch up and beat you!”
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” challenged Burgess. “Hell, Rebar could fit in the weight gap between you two with room to rattle around!”
Adam beamed happily. “Still gettin’ stronger, too!” Then a playful smirk, and a squeeze to both so fierce it smashed the air from their lungs, “I’m the best!”
“Fattest,” wheezed Baseball through the bone-crushing hold.
“You’re the only one who’s ever stepped through a deck,” teased Firth. He got a rib-shattering hug in punishment. “Hnngh, too clumsy for ‘yer own good!”
‘Horse laughed as he casually crushed his friends. “Hey, that only happened the one time! And I fixed it the next day, anyway.”
Firth didn’t let it be. “Nah, Rebar fixed it. You just hauled lumber.”
“And flexed for Ms. Murphy,” quipped Burgess.
“Did not! Besides, it was a flimsy deck anyway. Wait. Why was she watching?” He let them up and they instinctually repositioned into their habitual entangled snuggle pile, nothing but affection and happiness between them.
“’Cuz she’s a creepy stalker and she’s got her eye on Stainless.”
“Oh gross, she’s like eighty now!”
“Major’s awful pretty, though,” noted Baseball. “Almost as pretty as Caveman ‘Horse, here.”
Warhorse just rolled his eyes and sighed. “Whatever dudes. We gonna fuckin watch, or we gonna talk about me winning some more?”
The men chuckled. The bravado was part of their play and Regaari was long used to it. “We’ll see,” said Burgess, “Gives us time to catch up!”
“Nah, you gotta earn it. Also!” Arés gestured happily, “Righteous is way quicker in a fight than me. And you make me look like an idiot, bro!”
“Yup,” said Baseball smugly. Regaari rolled his eyes while Niral chittered.
“Well, ‘course I’m quicker,” grumbled Firth, “That’s my job. But you wait, I’mma beat you in strength too! Also, mind your language.”
“Oh, sarry.” Arés grinned sheepishly and the men settled down. Once they were calm, Regaari clambered over the puppy pile and was quickly absorbed in its depths. The firm and friendly snuggles from all three Deathworlders filled him with…contentment. It was exactly like young Brothers in training or cubs in the crèche. Humans seemed to restrict such familiarity to very close friends or family; that made it all the more satisfying. He sighed, happily, and relaxed.
Soon thereafter the females joined—Hina happily and Niral reluctantly at first. They wriggled into comfortable positions and everyone watched the movie in companionship.